#TellUsAnything: I was always chunky

#TellUsAnything: I was always chunky

So this is my story. I am a lot like 34,394,839 girls out there but somehow, I feel it’s all me. I was always chunky but, for some reason, it never bothered me until 8th grade.

I had made myself purge here and there but was never addicted. At the end of my 10th grade year, someone said that I looked like I had lost a little weight and that clicked motivation right into me.

It all started out healthy, eating the right things and exercising. Then I discovered Slim Fast. At first, I did it the right way but then the next thing I knew, a Slim Fast a day was my meal. When I lost 20 pounds, I decided to eat a little, which made me gain weight because I had lost everything the wrong way.

So when I started eating, I purged. At first, I would say that I would stop tomorrow and just not eat. But you get addicted to feeling the satisfaction of not gaining weight.

Before all this started, I was 130 pounds. I am now 112, and whenever I hit 114, I cry and I hate myself. I look perfectly normal and I’m not even considered the overused phrase “thick,” but for some reason, all I can see are big hips and huge thighs.

Please, don’t ever start. I still struggle with this and it is true, it is a disease. Love yourself for who you are because once you start, you won’t be able to stop. Don’t end up like me. It’s not a place where you want to be. It breaks my mothers heart when she sees vomit on the toilet seat that I forgot to clean up.

Take it from someone who knows. You will be dead before you are skinny enough. I know because I’m on the verge.

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