Trivial pursuit – Dating after divorce

Trivial pursuit – Dating after divorce

“Don’t look for love. Let it come looking for you.” If I had a dime for every time some one’s told me that.

But, as hard as it is to accept sometimes, there is a good deal of truth in it. What I’m not saying is that sitting on the sidelines is going to do wonders for your dating scorecard. But that striding out, war paint on and weapons engaged, may not be the best way to bag a man.

Still, it’s difficult not to check off imaginary boxes when evaluating a candidate for Mr Right status: “What is his mother like?” “How would we look going out together?” “How many relationships has he been in?” “What kind of father would he be?” “How might he look in fifty years time?”

We get bogged down by the incidentals, when the questions we should be asking are the important ones about how we feel: “Do I feel special?” “Do I feel loved and respected?” “Do I feel that the relationship is bringing out the best in me?”

And what about all the men who don’t check all those trivial boxes? Are they instantly struck from the bar? This is was happened with Tim – I reconnected with the guy after some years and instantly found myself having a good time in his company. But he didn’t check my boxes. He was a balding, overweight salesman whose mother had walked out on him as a kid. His relationship history was checkered and he was no natural around the kid. But he was kind and considerate, funny and flattering. We drank red wine, we talked about old times and we laughed. Still, he didn’t tick my boxes so I cut him loose, albeit as gently as possible.

Sometimes I think we look so hard for what we picture Mr Right to be like that we fail to see Mr Endless Possibilities right before our eyes… And then sometimes we stumble right over him – I guess that’s why they call it falling in love.

– Single-again Samantha

Comments

3 Responses to “Trivial pursuit – Dating after divorce”
  1. Tori Nelson says:

    When I first started dating my now-husband my friends were shocked. He was not the artsy fartsy musician type I was known to go after. 16 year age difference, bald head, starched khakis, they couldn’t see the attraction. I didn’t understand it myself. As you mentioned, he didn’t check off any of my Must-Have boxes. But he is funny and kind and calm and dedicated and a whole slew of more important things that I hadn’t even thought to include on my “list”.
    Tori Nelson recently posted…The Fast & The FurriestMy Profile

  2. Suzanne says:

    There is a lot of truth in this post. My husband didn’t hit all of the requirements I thought I had but he is perfect for me. It’s so important to be open to possibilities.
    Suzanne recently posted…Michelle Obama and the role of First LadyMy Profile

  3. I have a friend who just got re-married after 20 years! She wasn’t really looking and the perfect guy just fell into her lap.
    Rabia @ TheLiebers recently posted…That’s What Friends Are ForMy Profile