#TellUsAnything: I am better

Another day of no food. Another day of sadness. I don’t eat. I barely sleep. I just sit in my room and think about how fat I am.
I weigh about 80 pounds and still think I’m fat. When I look in the mirror I see fat, only fat. I feel my bones poking at my skin. I know I’m fat.
My pant size is a one. I know it’s because of my thighs (my thighs have always been little though the rest of me is not). I can’t even wear a bra. I have nothing there.
At times I wonder what’s wrong with me? I love going to parties, though I NEVER eat, I just dance all through the party. Only resting when I can’t feel my body.
Many times my dad says to eat, but I only pick at my plate and when he leaves I throw it away. No one noticed my weight until I had my first sleep over. My friend invited me to her house. We watched movies, played games and told stories. Yet, when we changed for bed she saw everything. She asked me what was wrong and if I was eating. I broke down and told her everything.
Instead of going to bed she took me to the doctor. It was then that I found out that I had anorexia nervosa. Ever since then she has helped me get better……and you know what I AM BETTER!

#TellUsAnything: I wish I was more secure

I am a freshman in college and trying to get over my eating disorders. All through elementary school I was picked on for being different. During high school I became involved in sports and extra activities. I also became anorexic.

I lost weight by not eating and working out all the time. I got a lot of attention and I became captain of my sports team, along with many other positions of leadership I had always wanted. I got over the anorexia after people and family kept saying stuff to me.

Now, with the weight gain, I have become unhappy with myself again. For the past 6 months I have been bulimic. I hate it because I am always tired and feel horrible.

I have not shared this with anyone, but I wish I could overcome this. I am trying to do it on my own because people look to me as a role model. People who has everything going for themselves, not a girl who is insecure.

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#TellUsAnything: I want to give hope

I have been happily married for 19 years. I have always had my yearly pap smears.  This year instead of receiving a postcard from my gynecologist stating my pap was normal, I received a phone call stating my pap was normal, but my HPV test came back positive for HPV.

I was aware that HPV was transmitted sexually and could cause cervical cancer.  My doctor then stated that she had done two previous HPV tests the last two years with my pap and they came back normal.  I asked my doctor, somewhat knowing what her response would be, what this means.  She said it meant either me or my husband have been in a sexual relationship within the last year and have contracted HPV.

My world immediately stopped. I called my husband at work and explained to him that I had an abnormal test and asked him if he knew what this meant.  When he said “no” I told him what my physician had said. It meant he had to have been unfaithful within the last year.  My husband immediately tried to reassure me that he loved only me and would never contemplate being with someone else.  He said the test had to be wrong and to ask for another test.

I called the doctor and she said the procedure for a positive HPV test is to wait six months to see if it has gone away. She did agree to do another HPV test three weeks later. Over the course of the three weeks, my heart told me my husband was telling the truth, but my doctor’s words kept appearing in my head.

I became suspicious checking my husband’s brief cases, clothes pockets, phone records, cell phone history, etc. looking for some clue he had been unfaithful. The strange thing about this three week wait is I wanted to be physically close to my husband more now than ever.

Finally, four weeks after my first diagnosis of HPV, I received word that my pap was normal and I did not have HPV.  I want to give hope to anyone out there in my situation. When you believe in your marriage but a physician tells you they are lying, do not wait six months to re-test, because you may never know if you truly had HPV. Within six months it could go away.  Insist on a repeat test immediately!

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#TellUsAnything: My call from the clinic

Hello, my name is Sara, and approximately 20 minutes ago the “clinic” called my house, and told me I had chlamydia. I knew there was “something” wrong I had recurring abdominal pain, swollen glands, and a vaginal discharge. I’m not at all surprised based on my sexually active behavior.

Like most teenage girls, I go to the clubs and parties on the weekends. I go to church on Sunday and I go to school. I work Monday through Friday, and I never thought I would catch something.

The saddest thing to me is that just previous to getting on the Internet, I was thinking to myself, “dang who could have given this to me? The guys were all cute, and nice.”(Like that has anything to do with a disease!) I was trying to put blame on the least attractive one. The reality is, that it probably was that fine boy from the club that all the girls were on, and he just happened to look my way, and happen to have sex that night. 🙁

On a serious tip, I have no idea what else I have. I could have anything, and not know it…do you realize how scary that is? I remember all those times guys urged me not to use protection cause it “feels better.” I wish I could just take it all back, and start over, but that is impossible. I am unfortunately forced to deal with whatever happens to me, because it was my choice.

If I could give advice to all those teenage girls doing their “thang” out there, it would be to SLOW DOWN! Most of these guys don’t care about us, they’re just trying to get a quick and easy lay from a hot chick. PLEASE use protection, I KNOW it doesn’t feel as good, but would you rather feel GOOD for thirty minutes, or get a disease; or in the worst scenario DIE a horrible, painful, DEATH. Your “girls” and that fine boy in the club will not be there for you then.

All right then, that’s my story hope you take it to heart cause it’s all unfortunately so true 🙁

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#TellUsAnything: My Daughter’s Bout with Lupus

We live our lives everyday, always assuming that we won’t be the one! It happens to everyone but us. I don’t have Lupus, and even if I did have it, it couldn’t kill me, because Lupus doesn’t kill. Wrong!

This is a story of my precious daughter, Brandi L. Reyes, age 10, and the savage disease of Lupus.

Brandi loved life more than anyone I know. She was full of  life and her beautiful personality was so genuine. She was the person I could never be. She was kind, caring, humble, and extremely good hearted. Brandi was really a beautiful girl and she had a true innocence about herself.

I can tell you that we all live our lives trying to say, “show and give true love to one another.” For Brandi, this came so easily. What seemed so hard for me, was so normal for her.

Brandi was an angel in disguise and this is her story.

On the morning of June 28, 2007, I arrived home from the university at about noontime. What seemed to be a typical, normal summer day in San Antonio, was about to change for our whole family.

Like usual, the girls were sleeping late. I called out for the girls to come down stairs. Brandi, our youngest daughter, soon approached me and said, “Mama, you’re home already?” She also mentioned that she did not feel well.

Brandi had always been a happy and healthy child. She loved arts and crafts, playing with her Bratz dolls, Disney Fairies, and Littlest Pet Shop toys. Of our three children, she was always the most energetic. She seldom complained about anything, so I knew that she wasn’t feeling well.

I thought to myself, “maybe it was something she ate last night that didn’t agree with her.” But as I walked closer to Brandi, I noticed her eyelids were puffy (swollen). I thought that perhaps it was an allergic reaction of some kind and offered her Benadryl, hoping this would take care of the problem. She did not complain the rest of the day.

The next morning when Brandi awoke, I noticed her eyelids were still swollen, and she was still feeling nauseous, so I decided to take her to the doctor.

Once we arrived at the doctor’s office, and after a short wait, the doctor began to examine her.  The Doctor noticed that Brandi had gained a good amount of weight and continued to examined her ankles for swelling and fluid retention.

Something didn’t make sense. I assumed it was an ear, nose, and throat virus, but soon the doctor mentioned that he needed to draw blood.

The next day, the lab work was ready and the results were in. The doctor said that the lab work showed that her kidneys were leaking protein, and that she should see a kidney specialist.

I called a specialist and scheduled Brandi for the first available appointment, which was not until July 12, almost two weeks away. During this two-week period, I kept taking her back to her pediatrician to check her blood pressure and weight, but she was loosing weight because she was throwing up everyday.

During this wait, we were extremely concerned about Brandi’s health. We called back to get a quicker appointment but there was nothing any sooner. It wasn’t until July 10 that the doctor finally prescribed Zophran, which is a nausea medicine that is given when chemotherapy is administered.

This medicine helped, but we still had an appointment  to see the specialist in just two days. Throughout this constant back and forth, my husband and I were extremely worried.

Finally, the July 12 appointment came and we met with the kidney specialist, who ran more extensive blood and urine tests on Brandi. A more precise test, known as the ANA test, would give us a good picture of what Brandi may have.

The kidney doctor asked if Brandi had experienced any unusual symptoms that would lead to Lupus. We told her “no, the only thing Brandi was doing was throwing up bile.” She asked if anyone in the family had ever had  Lupus and we again answered, “no.”

She confirmed that Brandi was very sick and that she was showing patterns and signs of Lupus. When Brandi heard the doctor say this, she suddenly stopped and starred into my eyes and asked, “what’s Lupus?”

After more consultation, the doctor sent us home and asked us to wait for her phone call. She needed to review more numbers and said that she would call us very soon.

On our way home, I received an urgent call from the doctor saying, “Your child is very sick. You need to turn around and get her admitted into the hospital immediately. We need to perform a kidney biopsy ASAP.”

Brandi was admitted that evening to Christus Santa Rosa Children’s Hospital. I was in shock and really became alarmed. We had waited so long to get some answers and now that my daughter was being seen by a kidney specialist, everything had become extremely urgent.

At this time I contacted my husband, David, who had left earlier that morning for a military exercise. Prior to him leaving, he was concerned but thought the worse Brandi may have was a kidney virus.

Finally, I spoke with David and told him the situation and what had transpired. Immediately, he began his journey back home and by midnight, he was in the hospital with us.

On July 13, Brandi’s biopsy procedure was performed.  Aside from some backache, Brandi was okay. Later that day, she was seen by a Lupus specialist in the hospital who confirmed the initial prognosis of the disease. Just as it was a shock to Brandi and us, we started to realize that our daughter actually had this disease.

Lupus strikes females more often than males. Most Lupus signs and symptoms are fatigue, joint pain, and swelling. In Brandi’s case, she didn’t have much of those symptoms. However, the unexplained vomiting and the loss of protein in her urine are signs of kidney failure due to Lupus.

Brandi’s Lupus was becoming more aggressive. It was attacking the kidneys and there was concern that it could attack her heart and brain. Both doctors agreed that a strong treatment plan that included chemotherapy and a regiment of steroid medication was needed.

Brandi received a low dosage of chemo on July 15. She did well but was starting to retain fluid in her limbs and stomach. On July 17, she received a dose of Albumen, which was to release some of the fluid in her body. It worked and she looked almost normal again.

Throughout the next two weeks, her kidneys were almost 100% repaired, but the fluid retention in her whole body was back again.  Also, throughout this period, she developed a small abscess like infection on her upper leg that later grew a tiny bubble, which turned out to be a staph infection. She was treated with IV antibiotics and was doing great.

On July 29, Brandi was discharged from Christus. She was thrilled as she stepped out of the hospital for the first time in more than three weeks and immediately thanked God for the fresh air, even thought it was incredibly hot outside.

Brandi was finally home. She had gained weight during her stay in the hospital due to the steroids and fluid retention, and her face and body looked swollen.

The weight gain were side affects from the steroids. In order to avoid any further weight gain, the doctor put Brandi on a low sodium, low liquid diet. Her liquid intake was limited to 12 ounces per day.

She was also prescribed many medicines to include three blood pressure medicines twice a day, steroids, Lasiks, antibiotics, baby aspirin, calcium, and iron.

Brandi began walking slower and bit more wobbly because of her weight gain, so she chose to spend her entire day downstairs and wouldn’t return to her bedroom until it was time for bed.

Even bending over to play with her dolls became harder but Brandi didn’t complain. She was never upset about her situation. I know she was not happy but she was trying to except her illness. She just spent her days drawing, playing Disney bingo, DVD’s, and other board games with the rest of the family. And of course, Daddy had to buy her “The Price is Right” game on DVD, which we played lots during her home stay.

Brandi’s second chemotherapy session was on August 10 and she was given a much higher dosage. On the bright side, she no longer had the staph infection and her antibiotics were finished up.

After this chemo session, Brandi began to start loosing hair, but not enough to notice any bald spots. Still, she didn’t complain but she began to sleep more than usual during the day.

Her appetite was great and she would be hungry at meal times. She was still swollen and was still on the restricted diet.

Ten days later, on August 20, she had a follow-up visit with the kidney specialist. Brandi was prescribed another antibiotic because the specialist found that her white blood cell count was extremely low and she could very easily catch an infection.

The next day, Tuesday, August 21, Brandi complained about a pain in her legs. I noticed two red, quarter-size bruises on the calf of one leg. The red bruises were about two inches apart. My husband mentioned that he had noticed them when Brandi got out of the bath tub on Sunday.

We began thinking that the bruises might be something serious so I called the doctor and she told me to take Brandi to the emergency room because the bruises were red and this might mean that it may be an oncoming blood clot.

I took her to the hospital by 6:00 p.m. The on call emergency room doctor said the bruises were not blood clots, but were discoloration bruises from her weight gain. We explained to the doctor that the red bruises were extremely warm on the immediate area.

To this day, my husband and I hurt from the misdiagnosis the doctor gave us. The red underlying bruises were not blood clots, but MRSA, a staph infection. We didn’t challenge the doctor’s diagnosis.

We were, in some way, relieved that it was not a blood clot but we were fooled. It was something much more horrible!

He prescribed Tylenol for the pain before sending her home. The pain in Brandi’s legs got worse and by 10:00 p.m. that night, she started running a 101 fever.

I immediately called back to the emergency room and they told me to keep watching her and that I needed to give the Tylenol enough time to work.

Throughout the night I applied cold packs to her legs to hopefully relieve the pain, but it didn’t help.

At 5 a.m., Wednesday, August 22, our whole world turned upside down. Brandi was in so much pain that I decided to take her back to the ER. This time I packed a bag, determined that she would remain at the hospital for observation and treatment.

By the time we arrived at the hospital, the bruises had grown about eight more inches and were now purple. The hospital staff said Brandi had developed Cellulite’s, which is an infection.

She was administered a high dose of antibiotics and taken to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), where doctors began working on her. Her body was swollen to the point that the lab tech had a problem finding her veins to start an IV.

Everyone was now anxiously working on Brandi.

“Mama, I’m scared. I’m cold,” Brandi called out to me. “It’s going to be okay, Baby,” I responded, and stepped outside the room to speak to the doctor.

While outside, I heard strange sounds coming from the
room. My husband, who was with her, ran out of the room and yelled, “She needs help!”

Brandi was having trouble breathing and had gone into distress. She was immediately put on oxygen.

“Mama, I don’t want oxygen! I’m afraid. I don’t need oxygen I feel ok now.”

“Don’t be afraid, Brandi. God has a plan for all of us. You will be alright,” I told her.

“Mom, I am hungry.”

“I’ll see if I can give you something to eat later,” I said, knowing that it would be a while before she could eat.

She was going to get a blood transfusion, More I V fluids and I V antibiotics. Immediately, Brandi was moved upstairs to Intensive Care. The doctors told us that Brandi would need to be sedated. She would be needing help to breathe and a tube needed to be inserted.

While sedated, they would place the other ports needed to induce the antibiotics.

I can’t tell you how much recanting what happened still hurts from what we went thru. We were asked to leave the room for about two hours and when we came back, she looked very different.

She had a tube in her mouth and many medical I V’s attached to her. She couldn’t talk anymore and slept during the night.

My husband prayed and prayed. He feared the doctor’s briefings. He wanted the breathing tube out of her throat. He wanted Brandi conscience again.

During all of this, I remained at Brandi’s side, never leaving the room unless ordered to. On the morning of  August 23, 2007, the doctors told us that Brandi was not urinating enough and that they were considering dialysis later in the afternoon.

They also advised us that the sedation was going to be reduced and that we needed not to excite her.

I leaned over to Brandi and said, “I love you, Baby. I love you, and I know you love me, too. But I know you can’t say it, Brandi, so I’ll say it for you, ‘I love you, Mama.’ I know you love me, too, Brandi.”  Brandi nodded twice.

I stepped back a bit as her father and other family members talked to her.

Then about 4:00 p.m., when it was Grandpa’s turn to visit for a few minutes, alarms began buzzing. The noise was coming from Brandi’s heart machine. Doctors rushed into the room, hovered over Brandi, and began performing resuscitation procedures.

Grandpa told me later that when he walked in the room, Brandi lifted her head and opened her eyes. Just as fast as this happened, her eyes closed back and she fell back onto the bed.

Forty five minutes later, one of the doctors approached and told us that he was sorry. There was nothing more to do.

I grabbed his shirt and said “No doctor, please don’t tell me this. Please don’t,” and immediately, I heard one of the staff members who was attending to Brandi, raise his head and say, “We have a pulse!”

The doctor left me talking and started instructing the staff. The doctor and ER staff continued to work on Brandi for two more hours.

Finally, the kidney specialist arrived and told us, “They’ve done all they can for her. Brandi has fought hard, and it has taken a toll on her small body. She cannot take much more of this. You need to make a decision as to whether to continue to resuscitate her or let her go.”

My husband, my other two teenage children, and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives. Our little girl was called home that day to join Our Lord in Heaven.

Her Death Certificate reads, “Cause of death, Septic Shock, Cellulite’s, and Lupus.”

The infection had consumed her whole body. I do not know what kind of life Brandi would have lived if she had survived. We were told that she had one of the worst cases of Lupus Nephritis.

I have to find comfort knowing that she is in a better place. “Asking myself if God took her because there was much suffering ahead, I don’t have an answer. What I can honestly tell you is that one day my girl is jumping, laughing and playing, and the next day she has kidney problems, the next week she has LUPUS, the next month she has an infection, and in two days she is gone.”

It is very hard to believe, as no one in our families have any serious illnesses. We still can’t figure things out.  My only answer is that God wanted her this bad and that he needed a good helper. And this would be like Brandi, an angel working hard in heaven, looking down at us and wishing we were there with her.

She loved us very much. She loved all our family, her teachers and community. This she will miss when she sees us. But she is in a better place and I have to convince myself every day of this, as I miss her dearly.

“I love you and miss you very much my darling daughter, BRANDI.”

During Brandi’s ten years here on earth, she was extremely humble and very sincere.

As a young girl, we always noticed some extra belly fat but assumed it was baby fat. Lupus is normally not so intense, it does strike young children, primarily females.

Signs of fatigue and body aches are normal symptoms.  Brandi, however, skipped these symptoms and went straight to renal failure. Despite saving her kidneys, extreme chemotherapy made her susceptible to infection.

Lupus is a killer. Early symptoms and ANA tests can help to pinpoint the severity of Lupus, but never underestimate this disease.

P. S., Please live life to it’s fullest, in memory of Brandi L Reyes, 1 April 1997 to 21 August 2007.

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Lupus Support Group

#TellUsAnything: A peek into my migraine pain

I am a 31 year old man with daily migraines. I wake up with them every morning and sometimes they ease up. Other times, I go to the ER for dilaudid and phenergen. My doctor recently gave me phenergen injections for home. He prescribed the injections so I can keep the pain med’s down. I am on 4mg dilaudid, 4 times a day.

I have not worked in 9 months, and my family suffers because of this. We can’t go on a vacations. My youngest had a bowling tournament in June and I spent most of my time in the hotel room in pain. If I move around too much I begin to vomit. Sometimes even being still I start vomiting.

We can barely pay the bills we have with just my wife working. We have 3 children.

The doctors have had me on every medication they can think of. I have even had Botox.

My doctor had an MRI taken of my neck and found a herniated disc that he believes is irritating the occipital nerve and may be the cause of my migraines. I see a surgeon in September. I am praying that this is it. He is doctor number 16.

I have been getting these migraines since 2003 and daily since 2005. The pain ranges from a 7-10 on a bad day and at least a 5 every day. I just want my life back. Normal, uneventful, pain free.


A mother’s private battle with bulimia

I am 25, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a teacher, a college student, a lover, and I am bulimic.

It’s so sad that with so much beauty in my life, I can’t find one thing that will give me the strength to overcome this.

It all started in college. Weird, right?  There are many things that I could blame, but why?  I felt inadequate, worthless, unimportant, overweight, and out of touch with what was going on around me.

It was just supposed to be a health kick. I was feeling great! I was running, eating healthy, cleaning out the negative energy around me, really loving life. Remember that feeling?

The first time it happened, I just felt guilty for working so hard on my perfect, healthy, lifestyle and then, eating so much. How dare I go outside my daily caloric intake? My friend did it and so did I.  It wasn’t that bad but unfortunately, one time turned into two and then two into weeks and then weeks into….wow I can’t believe it has been haunting me for seven years.

So, here I am, sitting at my desk after teaching all day to such wonderful children, waiting until 5 so I can go pick up my 10 month old, beautiful, little boy, and in tears because I don’t know what to do.

Here I am sitting, at 25, more lost than I have ever been, looking up doctors and support groups online because I can’t do it alone anymore.

Here I am sitting, as a mother, looking into her sons eyes everyday and apologizing because I don’t know why I am doing this, how to stop it, or what effects it is taking on my body, and how long I will be able to look into his eyes.

Here I am sitting, as a daughter, hating the pain that she has caused her own mother and father.

Here I am sitting, as a friend, hiding behind fake smiles and laughs just so I can hear someone else’s voice on the other end of the phone.

Here I am sitting, as a lover, filled with sorrow for all of the early turn ins, all of the “I love you’s'” that were never said, all of the cries in the middle of the night without an explanation, and all of the questions left unanswered.

Here I am sitting, as a college student, wondering why I am so educated, and yet, so trite to think that this isn’t a problem.

And here I am sitting, as a bulimic, hoping that someone will hear my cry and answer, with what, I do not know. Maybe something that will let me know that one day I will be able to stick my tongue out at that cloud and live the life that I was meant to live.

All things are possible: recovering from an eating disorder

With men, this may seem impossible: WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Matthew 19:26

For ten years, I secretly struggled with this eating disorder and it’s ugly friend, anorexia. As a child, I was taught right from wrong and about Jesus dying for my sins. As a young person, I got caught up in this secret destructive behavior, to escape my painful world, and try to capture an image of ‘if only I was thinner”.

The more I lost, the harder I tried, to continue, to obtain vain imaginations of this hope that almost killed me. I was killing myself trying to get there, with extreme vomiting, binging, and cutting my wrists to escape life when nothing else worked.

All the while, inside I asked GOD to heal me, and finally He did. I had to go on a journey to find out who I was, in CHRIST. Our identities are so different than the images we see on the cover of magazines. I had to surrender to GOD all control, forsake the weight scales, obsessive food pattern habits, counting numbers on jeans and jars a total devotion to HIM. Food was not my idol or GOD, but it controlled me.

A faithful woman fasted for me while I was seeking recovery, something happened. The depression broke, after 18 months it was totally gone. The monster inside was released and now today, it’s been 9 years of TOTAL HEALING and Freedom. GOD wants the same for you, don’t despair. GOD is here and real bigger than our imaginations can think. Just believe how deep GOD’s love is for us…

Bless U!
San Diego CA

There is hope!!!!! Because of Jesus! There is hope.

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