Tuesday Story: It took 8 years

Every Tuesday Mama shares a personal story.
This week’s story was written by an Anonymous person
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Gymnastics was my life since I was a kid. I did the sport for over 15 years on top of volleyball, track, and cross country. I even went on to coaching gymnastics in my later years.

Ever since I can remember, I always thought that I was fat. Probably since the age of 6, right before my closest sibling died.

I also thought I was ugly, since I was not the standard blond hair, blue eyed girl, like all of my class mates. I even had a really unique name which made me feel even more out of place.

Probably, the main reason I felt I was so different is because I started to develop before all of the other girls. Don’t get me wrong, I was still a skinny kid but with big boobs.

I began starving myself in the fourth grade. It got so bad I wouldn’t eat for weeks at a time and I would continue to go to gymnastics practice as usual. If I did eat it would only be half of an apple wedge or 2 gummy bears. I remember fainting regularly or getting really shaky and dizzy but my parents never seemed to notice. If I couldn’t hide not eating, I would throw up. Then that became too easy.

It started to feel too good. I could work out in gymnastics every day, then go and eat as much as I wanted, then just puke it all up. This lead to many other bad decisions such as horrible boyfriends and extreme drug using. I eventually got hooked onto crystal meth for about three years and I still thought that I was fat! About 90 pounds later I decided that I was done with it all. I quit the drugs, quit the eating disorder, and just tried to live a normal life.

That took me about 8 years to settle down and become normal again. I am now at a regular weight, even though I feel like a heifer, I would rather be thicker than on drugs, having an eating disorders, or even worse dead! I am now 130 pounds and I am eating healthy again. I have started on a regular work out schedule.

– Anonymous

Permission Granted

Every Tuesday Mama shares a personal story.
This week’s story was written by an Anonymous person
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live life out loud

unless you’re just shy

and even if you are just shy

find a way to live out loud

like

pissing your name in the snow

or

driving topless

on a road trip with your nips to the wind

because life is good that way

and people will assume and judge

because we are all imperfect

and imperfect and good

go together

like on dates and stuff

and they hook up

and do wild things

and regret is always there

like a somber judge

listen intently

then go back to being

imperfect and good

and hook up and booze

and fall in love and get up

live out loud

and let those

that assume and judge

do their thing

unless you are a politician

or a corporate muckety muck

or you have to tap dance

in bathroom stalls for sex

write with your

imperfect hand

paint with

your crooked teeth

or sing

you one note wonder!

dance without ever

stepping on

the beat

blog your wonderful

sorry life

just because you can

and when you do this

you will notice

even more imperfection

and that some of us

are butt-holes

and greedy

and maybe this is the part

that I am

describing you

and when you honestly

write, sing, dance,

paint,

you will notice

even more goodness

and imperfection

and that people care

about you

and it is your job

to be imperfect and good

and to love

even the butt-holes and

greedy people

and some folk

have made this exceptionally

challenging

So permission granted

to live out loud

even though

we think no one

will get us

or love us

like we are

imperfect

and good

– Anonymous

I Was Shocked!

Every Tuesday Mama shares a personal story.
This week’s story was written by an Anonymous person
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I just knew that I had everything going for me, my life was complete, and we were happy. Then all of a sudden my dreams were shattered. Once my boyfriend had taken my virginity, I found myself homeless, scared, alone, and on top of everything else PREGNANT!

I had to beat all of the odds alone, sacrificed, and struggled to make ends meet. Once my daughter was born in May of 2002, I was rushed back to the hospital Labor Day weekend with a temperature of 104.0 I was placed on a cooling blanket, with I.V’s. I was very sick and weak, not to mention terrified.

Only then to find out I had Genital Herpes. I was shocked. It took a toll on me and has changed my aspects on life, and my surroundings. I find myself wondering daily if people can notice, and are they judging me by my disease? I have learned to have faith and cope with my circumstance.

Though, I get depressed at times and often feel guilty because my daughter was also born with herpes. Life isn’t easy. I feel as if I’ve disappointed everyone, and my family. I ask myself, “Why am I such a failure?” My daughter is now 6 years old and is in the 1st grade, with a learning disability. I wonder if it may be from her antibiotics, and or because of the fact she was born with this disease.

I am a single mother facing trials everyday, but at the same time I am also learning. Trusting others isn’t an easy thing for me, and I don’t socialize very often as I would like to do, for the fear that I am being criticized, and a lot of people can be extremely judgmental. I’ve gained trust, and confidence in one person, whom we have become the best of friends, she knows all about my daughter’s and my situation, for that she shall never judge us, or turn her back on us. We are very grateful to consider her our best friend!

I’m hoping that my story will touch most readers, and to understand that when your teachers, and parents are telling you to use safe sex, PLEASE do so, because it could truly change your outlook and your life!

– Anonymous

Personal Story: Five sisters in one family have breast cancer

Five sisters in Boston all have Breast Cancer. Watch the video below to learn about their amazing story.

Personal Story: Don’t Bother Me, I Can’t Cope

“I have had a great deal of hurt in the theater both as a Negro and as a woman, but I don’t get immobilized by it,” she [Vinette Carol] said an interview with The Los Angeles Times in 1967. “I tell myself that no one individual is going to make it impossible for me.”

The title is from a 1970’s Tony Award winning play. I chose it because often times I feel just like that, snapping at the world to ‘get back’ because I can’t cope. That feeling of immobilization, the fight/flight/freeze reaction is fully formed at birth. Yes, we are wired to feel before we able to think and reason. The ability to think and reason isn’t fully formed until around age eleven.

As children, we learn how to cope, how to deal with this fight/flight/freeze reaction from our parents or the adults around us.

Growing up, it often felt as though my feelings would overwhelm me. My Southern-born parents were reserved. Let me put it this way, there were things that happened that should have been talked about and never were.

Food became a coping mechanism for me, it didn’t matter whether I was happy or sad (read: good or bad stress), food was the answer. I was literally swallowing my feelings instead of sharing them. It didn’t take long for that to take a toll on my health.

At a very young age I was diagnosed with hypertension and diabetes. During a doctor’s visit, he simply looked at me and shook his head and said, “You’re not going to live very long if you keep going this route.”

To be continued.

– Aunt B

Low Self-Esteem and my battle to overcome it

I’ve always had low self-esteem, but I never realized how bad it truly was until I developed anorexia the start of my freshman year in High School.

I had no clue why I was doing this to myself. I started skipping lunch in school because I just wanted to lose ten pounds. But that wasn’t good enough. I weighed myself 3 or 4 times a day. I would exercise in my room constantly. I would feel bad even if I ate just one piece of fruit.

Eventually, I become so concerned with my weight, I wouldn’t chew gum or drink water. I was always comparing myself with my friends’ bodies. I hated myself. I never went out with my friends anymore because, I was afraid we would go out to eat or something, and I could not bare that idea.

One day my mother decided to take me into the bathroom and weigh me. I went from weighing 140 pounds to 103 pounds in three months. I am 5’5″ so I was never overweight. My mother broke down.

My parents tried to get me to go and see a doctor. They arranged for me to have a complete physical, but really it was more than that. It was for them to talk to me and try and make me understand that I had a eating disorder.

I still couldn’t see it no matter what people were telling me. My parents would fight with me every night about it. They didn’t understand me anymore. I was restless, I was always so tired but could never sleep. Finally I had to see a counselor and doctor.

Over the course of a year, I have become the stronger person even before my anorexia. Seeking help made all the difference and I am truly happy now.

– Anonymous

Anxiety, allergies, candida overgrowth: It All Started With A Stomach Virus

Every Tuesday Mama shares a personal story.

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It all started with a stomach virus, then 10 months later I found out it was gall bladder disease. I took every PPI known to man and they eventually quit working after a few months. I lost more weight and did a second endoscope and found I no longer had a burnt esophagus but a mutilated stomach.

I freaked out because none of the GI’s could help me. So I had a very stressful summer and was on raglan, ppi’s and domperidome. Then a friend referred me to a whole health chiropractor and she discovered I had leaky gut syndrome, slight allergies, overgrowth candida, hypoglycemia and a very nervous stomach filled with little red sores (peptic ulcers).

I decided to take mastic gum in the morning, Solaray Digestaway and Glutamine at night and slow down on my stress.

I have two very active, young kids and that was incredibly hard. So, I healed up and got off all the prescription medicine. I ate smaller more frequent meals, but then I would get hungrier as I went along. After a year and a half, I got my periods back. Then, I lost them again after surgery.

A stressful summer started and my stomach aches came back with a vengeance b/c of pms. Yikes! And family visitations with young kids running around everywhere. I am going to a psychotherapist for anxiety, my GI for ulcers or bacteria overgrowth, chiropractor for massages and adjustments, whole health endocrinologist to test my adrenals and hormones, and my gyno to make sure my pms isn’t getting me out of whack.

I just think I’m a bundle of nerves and short of being comatose. I need to cut down on my anxiety. But how do you do it with kids who need to be entertained all the time, house, working at home, and all the other stuff that comes with it?

– Anonymous

No more cigarettes. Cold turkey is more than something you eat for lunch.

Every Tuesday Mama shares a personal story. This week’s story was written by Nell.

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I just want to tell my story of quitting cold turkey with NO help from anyone else.

About 10 months ago, I decided that my life was more important to me than my habit. I was in my car on my way home from work when a country song came on…”holes in the floor of heaven” and it spoke of death. It was a beautiful song and it really hit home to me.

I was about to get married in a few months to a wonderful man and the thought of dying young, due to lung cancer, gave me the worst feeling. I cried out to God, while driving. I told him I couldn’t do it on my own and I needed his help. Tears streamed and the song played on. I threw out my cigarette. I was smoking and when I got home, I took my pack and broke them up and threw them away.

Sure, I had tried to quit before and hadn’t been successful for very long. I had been a smoker for about 8 years or so, which isn’t as long as a lot of people, but still long enough to have me “hooked”. How was I going to be able to not reach for one after eating, when driving, after sex, and when I was bored.

The thoughts were running wild in my head and I cried and cried tears of joy. I was going to do it this time and for sorrow that I wouldn’t have that wonderful feeling of a cigarette in my hands.

I knew this time would be different. Don’t ask me how I knew, but I think it was truly my willpower and faith in God. The first couple weeks were hard. The next couple months were the hardest.

My brother tried to commit suicide. He checked himself in a hospital (we didn’t know where he was for a week) and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He had to move home with my mom. It was very rough, the things we found out about his life was so different than “normal” people. It was devastating. My first reaction was to pick up a cigarette and start smoking and dragging it down my lungs.

Did I do it? NOPE! Honestly, I am not real sure how I made it through those 10 months. When about 6 of those months were very trying. I had some very stressful test that God gave me…my brother’s problem, my Granny dying, my mom had a cancer scare, my own IBS diagnosis …etc. Everything you can imagine to test me was done and I passed.

Oh, on top of it all: MY HUSBAND STILL SMOKES!

I had to quit, COLD TURKEY, with all those stresses and still have the person I live with smoke around me!

By the grace of God and my will power and strong desire to live a long healthy life, I have made it this far. I know it will be a struggle every day of my life, but it has gotten easier, a lot easier. Not to mention all the money I have saved!

I just wanted to share my story….my joy …thank you.

– Nell

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