Single-again Samantha: Must love dogs

No self-respecting single gal lives without a dog (unless, of course, she has a kid, in which case she already has her excuse to hang out at the park, scoping for singletons). I have both and, let me tell you, even combined, they are less trouble than having a husband was.

If you go at the right time of the day, the park is a veritable meat market, with humans hitting on each other human style while their dogs do it doggy style. You can tell a lot about a man by the kind of dog he owns and the relationship he has with it. You get the coat-wearing-daschund owner. Let me tell you that the kind of guy who dresses his pooch up for a walk in the park is also the kind who will insist that you speak to the canine on the phone. And he’s the kind who, after shaving and balming, will be licked all over the face by little Lucy – so not a great prospect if you’re partial to the odd snog, as I am.

Then you get the man with the giant Doberman who, you can bet, lives in a small condo (I can say this with authority as there are no big condos where I live). Again, not dating material as, you can bank on it, this guy suffers from a bad case of small-man complex.

You can tell the guys who are in relationships as they’re the ones who are almost as happy to be at the park as their dogs are. So busy tossing balls and sticks are they that they don’t even stand still long enough for you to sneak a look at their wedding fingers. Take it from me, these guys are so shacked up they’re on a tighter leash than their pets.

Personally, I keep an eye out for the guy with the miniature poodle as he’s undoubtedly divorced and now has custody of Muffy (who she originally picked out to match – and fit – her Marc Jacobs tote).

Now, some would say that bumping into each other while elbow deep in doggie doodoo isn’t the most romantic of ways to meet, but let me tell you, there’s every reason not to go to the park looking like, well, a dog’s breakfast. There’s a reason why Jennifer Aniston turned to that dog after Brad dumped her. Trying to pull your retriever off from humping his Labrador provides a good conversation starter, even if it is just to observe that both dogs are male.

Seriously, though, if dogs are happy to meet their mates in what is effectively a communial canine toilet, surely we could be less choosy about how we go about doing it. I’m not advocating sniffing each other’s behinds, but perhaps we could take a leaf from our canine companions and be less afraid of putting ourselves out there, even if it is just at the park. If it works, well hell, you could be in for (dog’s) years of happiness. If not, simply put it down to barking up the wrong tree.

- Single-again Samantha