Should You Stay Or Should You Go?
Darling you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
—The Clash
One of the questions I get asked the most is whether or not someone should stay in a marriage or a relationship. While listening to The Clash, I came up with this list.
You should stay knowing that:
You can only change you. Challenging as that might be. If you’re trying to change your partner, stop it.
You should go if:
There is any physical, verbal or emotional abuse. (Channeling the scary voice from the Amityville Horror) Get Out!
You should stay if:
You understand that there are trade offs in a relationship. Bottom line, you’re gonna love some things about your sweetie and there will be some things that will drive you crazier than an itchy man up a wool tree. Sometimes frustration and love walk hand in hand.
You should go if:
He or she is overly controlling, checking your email, obtaining your passwords, going through your phone. Checking the odometer and having you report your gas mileage (oh yes! It has happened!) is completely over the top. It’s time to go. Jealously and possessiveness means there’s no trust. It’s not cute. It doesn’t mean they love you. Pack your bags.
You should stay if:
You understand that that there will some issues that the pair of you will totally disagree on. And you won’t even agree on what that issue is. What you can do is identify it and accept it and move on.
You should go when:
You’re afraid to say what you need or your needs don’t get met without herculean effort. It shouldn’t be that hard. Relationships are a mutual thing. Everyone should get their needs met and it shouldn’t take an argument for that to happen.
You should stay if:
You are able to take responsibility for your own happiness (not to be confused with getting your needs met). You should be able to discuss your dreams and goals, while remembering these are YOUR dreams and it is not up to your partner to make it happen. You should be supportive of their dreams and goals as well.
You should also stay if:
The sex is still sexy. Not the sole reason to stay however.
You should stay if:
You can remember the moment you connected. The moment you knew that this person was someone special. When it gets hard or frustrating that’s the moment you come back to.
You should think about it when…
Infidelity occurs. (I heard you, you just called me crazy!) Seriously, I’ve seen relationships survive this and come out stronger. I don’t believe it’s always a deal breaker. Need help with this one? I’ll take those questions on a case by case basis. Write me!
Love strong!
- Brenda
So…..what do i do when,
He’s overly perfect.
It’s almost as if, i expect him to do something,
But he doesn’t.
It scares me.
It took him awhile longer than me to fall in love,
1) it’s his first love
2) he says he means it………….
What To Do.?
You move slow, you listen to your intuition, your gut, your heart, whatever you want to call it. You trust until he gives you reason to think otherwise. Darlin’, to love is to risk, you don’t step halfway off the cliff, you don’t dive partway into the ocean. The trick (if you want to call it that) is to listen ask the hard questions, to listen to answers and to trust that you know yourself well enough to know that you’re making the right decisions. Then leap!
Good luck!
Brenda
We divorced and go back dating again, the relationship after the divorce dating is on & off, the longest off was 6 weeks, we are off again for eleven days now, i went out because of his behavior of being controlling and abusive to me verbally and emotionally. Its been a year since the divorce, i have my own place and so he does. We been married for 6 years prior. I dont know why i cant move on and keep on going back to him inspite of his behavior i admit maybe i still love him, but when we back again and being with him i cant stand his behavior, but when i dont see him and talk to him in a week or two i am starting to miss him, there are some guys that are interested in dating me but i am not, i was still hoping to get back with him and start a new relationship, but it seems so hard to go back anew look of our relationship, seems everything is not synchonize , its just breaking apart. Am i addicted to bad relationship?