Brenda tells all
i’ll listen to yr problems
help wit yr career/ yr lover/ yr wanderin spouse…
ease yr mother thru menopause & show yr son how to clean his room…
– N.Shange “Spell #7”
Hello all, I’m Brenda, also known as Aunt B.
You’ve got a lot of questions and now I’m going to answer.
If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s listening, and know that I’m old enough to know better and young enough to remember, so the advice I give will come from a meaningful place.
Think of me as the “no spin” zone, the one person you can come to for fair, down-to-earth advice about health, relationships or sex. Opinions? Yes I have them and I’m happy to share them with you. Looking for honesty? I have it by the bucketful.
So this is how it will work:
Email me at AuntB@MamasHealth.com
The best and most interesting letters will be featured on Mama’s Health blog.
We will not publish your name or email address.
Go ahead and ask.
I’ll answer.
- Brenda
Single-again Samantha: The other woman
Friends often ask me what was the most difficult part of the divorce. My answer: Making the decision to finally do it and then not facing any opposition when I did. I’m not saying my husband was happy to hurt me or put his child through the trauma of divorce, but he was looking for an out… and in Isabella he found it.
After I discovered the affair, I called her up and asked if we could meet. I needed to know that, if I was going to close the door on my marriage, it was not going to be for a stupid mistake he’d made that had no future in it (to the last, I wouldn’t let him take care of himself – says something about that control-freak problem of mine he was always referring to).
We met at a coffee shop in Tribeca and, after little prompting, she confessed her love for my man. I walked out of there knowing I would have to release him, and when I got home, I calmly packed all his suits into a suitcase and then, on a whim, tossed the whole lot into the swimming pool. He moved out that night and it was hell … not least because he took the corkscrew with him. By day, I stoically took care of the business of separating our lives and at night, I lay awake and worried. I worried that he was suffering and I worried that he was not.
It took me a long time to find something in my heart that resembled forgiveness. But I did, and now I’m even thankful for the opportunity to have another bash at finding fulfillment. As for Isabella – what goes around comes around, I say. And, let’s face it, there can’t be too much security in shacking up with a man who’s known for cheating on his wife.
- Single-again Samantha
Mama’s Monday Favorite: Health Valley Organic Garden Herb Crackers
Whenever I think about crackers, I think of Kindergarten classrooms with little plates of crackers and little cups of grape juice. I’m not much of a cracker fan, but Health Valley’s Organic Garden Herb Multigrain Crackers caught my eye.
It wasn’t quite love at first sight, but it was definitely love at first bite. A few weeks ago, I realized I needed to add more fiber to my diet. I love my fruits and veggies, but I needed to up the ante and add some multi-grains to my afternoon snack. I went to my favorite store, Whole Foods Market and headed straight to the Cracker aisle. I must have looked like a damsel in distress because one of Whole Food’s workers approached me and asked if I needed any help. I told him that I was looking for a healthful cracker that also tasted good.
There were several types of healthy crackers to choose from, but none of them looked tasty enough. My Whole Foods’ helper (Kevin) understood my dilemma and suggested that I choose a box that looked ‘tastier than the rest’. I chose Health Valley’s Organic Garden Herb Multigrain Cracker. Kevin opened the box, handed it to me and told me to try one. I was a little surprised (can we really eat food without paying for it?) I reached in and grabbed a cracker. With a little hesitance, I tasted it. The cracker tasted a lot better than I expected. I happily grabbed a few boxes, loaded them into my cart and thanked Kevin for helping me find a healthy, yet tasty cracker.
- Mama
**Mama’s Monday Favorite is the sole opinion of Mama. No monetary compensation was received for the feature. If you have a product that Mama might absolutely love, send Mama one of your products. If she likes it, she might list it as a Mama’s Monday Favorite.
Free Blackberry phone for smokers
Folks, I’m not kidding. The American Legacy Foundation is giving away free BlackBerry phones to smokers. The BlackBerry will provide the smokers with a 24/7 line to get support while trying to quit smoking. The free BlackBerry will give them 24/7 text support, help connect with others who are trying to quit and options to help prevent relapse.
Want a free BlackBerry? The video below will tell you how to get your free BlackBerry phone.
In Love For The Long Haul?
With everyone around me divorcing these days and Valentines Day right around the corner, I have to ask the question…
Are you and your honey in it to win it? Are you committed to the long haul or do you own a “U-Haul” just in case things got a little rough? If the going gets tough, do you get going? Before you fell in love, did you fall in love with yourself? Are you in your relationship for what you can get out of it or for what you can give?
Safe. That’s what we want to feel in a relationship. Understood. Accepted. We want to be our wild and juicy selves, to be able to laugh loud and dance wild, to retreat in to the space of our soul sometimes and know that our love-muffin will be right there when we are ready to re-enter the world.
There is something sacred about a relationship, the ones that last and the ones that don’t. Each brings a lesson about who we are. For example we learn if we’re giving or selfish, if we can be honest about our feelings, if we can tell our partner honestly what our needs are, whether we are flexible or rigid. Who are you?
The best lesson though is that we don’t find completeness in a relationship, rather we find someone to share our completeness with. That “You complete me” crap is a line from a Hollywood movie and not a way to run your love life.
Yep.
So take a look at this couple, Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher married for 84 (no, I didn’t stutter) years. I loved what she said about him, “He was not mean; he was not a fighter,” Zelmrya said. “He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”
That last line gave me a chuckle.
- Aunt B
Long Term Relationship Tips
(source: unknown)
- A lifelong partner usually does not have all the characteristics of your idealized fantasy lover.
- The biggest enemy of sex in long-term relationships is anger.
- The partner with lower desire always controls the sexual relationship
- Less than a third of married couples say they have taken a shower together.
- A good long-term relationship includes trust: continuing jealousy means something is wrong.
- You can have fulfilling sexual experiences at 90, if you’re healthy and sexually involved at 60, 70 & 80.
- People who didn’t like sex much when they were younger tend to give it up after 50.
- People can have fulfilling, active sex lives after they’ve had a heart attack without risking their health. It’s not more dangerous than climbing a flight of stairs—and a lot more fun.
The Sterilization Decision Pt. 2
I made a decision to not have anymore children and was trying to decide which procedure to use. As a woman I understand that there are more choices than ever in regards to birth control, however, because of my medical history very few were available to me. With that in mind, I chose tubal ligation. Doctors have been performing this procedure since around 1930. In my opinion, the longer the practice as been around, the safer I feel.
During my pre-op, I was very honest about the alternative medicines I took, lifestyle choices I’ve made, remembering my Mom’s advice to “Never lie to your doctor or your lawyer.” When I was assured that the doctor understood my medical history and all of my questions had been answered I left his office.
The procedure took about 30-40 minutes and in my case I was under general anesthesia.
A friend drove me home and I slept the rest of the day. The next day I was still groggy and my throat was sore from breathing tube. Just as they had explained in the paperwork they give your beforehand, my neck and shoulders were sore too, and yes, so was my tummy.
“B — Do you think you’ll have any regrets?” My friend asked when she came to check on me.
“I’d honestly thought I’d shed a tear for a part of my life that was over, but I don’t think so. I didn’t make the decision lightly, I’d given it considerable thought. I am sure.”
No more hormones, or other contraceptive devices to worry about. It’s all about playing safe now.
* Sigh of relief *
- Aunt B
Wiping Up Baby, Reusable Style
Do you sing your baby to sleep with lullabies filled with tales of how their small existence contributes to huge environmental problems? From the 8,000-10,000 diapers they’ll use before they’re potty trained to disposable food containers to the piles of broken toys, our little ones can have a relatively large impact on the planet for their tiny size.
So, when I recently came across a great alternative to disposable baby wipes I just had to share with the rest of you! They’re reusable baby wipes that you can wash along with your cloth diapers that result in less waste and less toxic trash, too. Here are some options:
- BabyKicks Hemperoo Washies/Wipes (through Diapers Etc). These are made from a hemp-cotton blend, making them a super eco-friendly baby wipe alternative.
- ImseVimse Washable Wipes are made with 100% organic cotton and are ultra soft. They come in packs of 12, and are under $1 each.
- Under The Nile Baby Wipes are made from 100% organic Egyptian cotton terry cloth—baby luxury at it’s finest!
- Hankettes’ Wet Wipes Kit comes with reusable wet wipes, a clear zippered vinyl travel carrier for taking the dirty ones home. Alternatively, choose your set with 100% natural herbal wet wipe solution.
By and large, most baby wipes end up in landfills, and with them, untreated human waste, which can contribute to the spread of viruses and bacteria that are harmful to other humans and wildlife alike. Washing reusable baby wipes avoids both of these problems by cutting down on the solid trash you’re sending to landfills and diverting human waste to water treatment facilities.
Additionally, many baby wipes are made with potentially toxic perfumes and synthetic fragrances that are often considered volatile organic compounds (think asthma problems). Many also contain parabens (preservatives that are suspected hormone disruptors). By using reusable wipes, you’ll avoid applying these nasty chemicals to your baby’s underside, keeping him or her healthier and preventing skin irritation.
- Lucy
Inexpensive foods to stimulate your libido
Want to add some ’spice’ to your love life? Use these simple, easy to make recipes to get your partner in the mood.
