Single-Again Samantha: Wedded dread
I have those always-a-bridesmaid-and-once-the-bride blues. In two weeks I have to go to my good friend’s wedding, solo yet again.
Weddings have to be the single girl’s nemesis. In the last five years I’ve attended quite a number on my own, and let me tell you, they’re not for the chicken-livered. I vividly remember the first one after the divorce. I hadn’t prepared for quite what a difficult thing it was going to be and suddenly, when the bride joined the groom at the altar, it hit me like a kick in the gut. I dissolved into a blubbering wreck, complete with melodramatic spasmic sobs. I then proceeded to get rat-faced and eventually tottered out of the do minus my dignity and a heel.
It’s got easier with time, but attending a wedding sans partner is still not top of my list of favorite things to do. Weddings are supposed to be great places to meet other wayward singletons, but, in my experience, the only singletons there are the catering staff and Uncle Edward, who the family only brings out on special occasions.
They say that you should always notify the host ahead of time if you’re planning not to bring a partner. I, of course, hold out until the last minute in the hope that I find a partner and then it’s too late to let anyone know (I was a bride once and I know that the last thing you need to be doing come the final hour is rearranging the table plan). So I inevitably sit next to an empty seat, making it glaring obvious to all gathered that I couldn’t muster up a date for the night.
If, however, the invite does not specify that you should bring a partner, you’ll most definitely be seated with the under twelves and next to the mad old aunt. Then all you can do is have another piece of wedding cake and make like an NFL linebacker when trying to catch that bouquet.
- Single-again Samantha
Matchmaking in middle school? Indiana school pairs 6th grade girls with 10th grade boys
Has dating and matchmaking gone too far? Indiana school survey matches girls and boys. Some 6th grade girls are matched with 10th grade boys.
Has matchmaking gone too far? Let me know what you think.
- Mama
Et Tu Tigre? The Confession
Tiger’s thirteen-minute “apology” came with all the pomp and circumstance of a presidential press conference and just as much security too. Most of the comments were about how robotic he seemed, with some journalists even calling his speech “pathetic.” Well, that’s a little harsh. Confession, while it might be good for the soul, is hard to do, especially when it involves your marriage, your sex life and millions of dollars in endorsement deals.
I first must commend Elin for not being there. I’m tired of the pathetic image of the supportive woman looking on, while the man confesses his affairs. Kudos Elin!
Tiger Woods: Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior. As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words; it will come from my behavior over time. We have a lot to discuss; however, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.
Holy nine iron Jack Nicklaus! Did you hear that? I love the smell of reconciliation in the morning!
Tiger Woods: The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did is not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame.
That’s called owning your stuff people, and that’s what makes good relationship.
My male friends say that Elin must not have been “doing her job.” Seems to me that neither of them communicated what their needs were and I think it’s too easy to blame the woman. Needs can only be addressed when they are out there sitting on the table.
Tiger Woods: As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants to ask me for the details and the times I was unfaithful. I understand people want to know whether Elin and I will remain together. Please know that as far as I’m concerned, every one of these questions and answers is a matter between Elin and me. These are issues between a husband and a wife.
Yes, this is really about him and his wife. Let’s move along people, nothing else to see here.
There is something to be said about confession, when it’s sincere it means we can start picking up he pieces and see if can fix this thing. It’s a good start Tiger. Now I hope your actions back it up.
- Aunt B
Santa Monica Bag Monster: Mama gives free reusable tote bags
Make your pledge today to stop using one-use bags. Send us an email about your pledge along with your name, address, and email address to Book@MamasHealth.com and we will send you a reusable tote bag (while supplies last).
Setting boundaries
Brenda,
I have a friend who wants to be a boyfriend. Even though I’ve said I don’t want a relationship, he spends all of his time with me and helps me with a lot of things un-asked, so then I feel like I “owe” him.
I have been sober for less than a year and a half and I’m anxious for alone time. I have discussed it with him on numerous occasions but he seems to forget that I feel like I prefer a goodly amount of it.
If he comes over early in the day, he’s here for the duration up until I say I want to go to bed. I feel like I repeat myself over and over about my need to be alone and he doesn’t hear me.
I don’t want to be mean but I don’t want to be sick either. I get anxious and stressed when I feel like he is here too long but if he’s been “helping” me all day at the house, I feel like a heel asking him to leave.
Sometimes I feel like he does a lot of things just so I WILL feel that way. Is it silly of me to read that into the things he does?
- I don’t want to Be Mean
Dear I-Don’t-want-to-Be-Mean,
No, it’s not silly, your feelings are telling you to set a boundary with this person, sooner rather than later. You deserve to be heard and respected and you have the right to demand that respect, and that’s not being mean or manipulative, it’s called loving yourself.
Setting boundaries means communicating directly and honestly about the things you value, your emotions or your physical space. When you don’t do this, you can feel anxious, stressed, burdened, depressed or angry.
Setting a boundary goes like this:
When you come over and stay all day, it makes me feel anxious and stressed, because I’ve told you that I don’t want a relationship and that I need alone time.
I feel frustrated when you ignore my requests
I want you to know that I don’t want a relationship right now and I don’t want you to come over and stay all day.
When you establish a boundary expect people to leave or push back in order find out if you are serious. Hold your ground.
This is how you become your own best friend.
- Brenda
Email me at AuntB@MamasHealth.com
Mama’s Monday Favorite: Vanilla Oatmeal Soap
I’m always looking for new products to try out. This week, I tried One With Nature’s Vanilla Oatmeal Soap. I tried it out because I wanted to find a soap that is not tested on animals.
One With Nature’s Vanilla Oatmeal Soap was a pure delight. It’s smell is deliciously tantalizing. The soap left my skin feeling soft and smooth without leaving a sticky residue. Vanilla Oatmeal Soap is a great exfoliant sensitive skin.
Ingredients:
Saponified Palm and Palm Kernel Oils, Vegetable Glycerin, Natural Fragrance, Oatmeal, Aloe, Shea Butter, Dead Sea Salt, Citric Acid, Salt, Vitamin E, and Plant and Mineral Pigments
Next time, I am going to be a little more daring and try the Coconut Milk Glycerin Soap!
- Mama
**Mama’s Monday Favorite is the sole opinion of Mama. No monetary compensation was received for the feature. If you have a product that Mama might absolutely love, send Mama one of your products. If she likes it, she might list it as a Mama’s Monday Favorite.
Stop the Aggravation! End the Junk Mail Onslaught
It was a shiny, happy afternoon when I went to my mailbox to retrieve the treasures left for me there. Hoping to see some exciting news from a friend or, heaven forbid, a check for free money, I was instead greeted with yet another direct mail solicitation for some company I’d never heard of.
Stomping my way back to the house, and aggravated that this seemingly innocuous piece of paper could have such an effect on me, I determined to take back my mailbox and do something about the amount of unwanted mail I’ve been receiving. These things seem to come in waves, and I’ve recently been hit with a particularly persistent wave with new pieces of junk mail filling my mailbox to overflowing almost daily. That’s enough, I say!
After some sleuthing over a hot cup of soothing chamomile tea, I’ve found some information that will hopefully help me in my fight against the junk mail machine. And in an effort to help you avoid the junk mail pain I’ve been feeling, I joyfully share with you what I’ve found:
- First and foremost, drop by the Direct Marketing Association’s (DMA) website where you’ll be able to pay $1 to fill in a form that will register you with its Mail Preference Service. You’ll then be removed from the lists of over 3,600 DMA members who use their list services. Just remember to mark your calendar to repeat the process in five year’s time. Canadians: do the same through Canadian Marketing Association.
- Next, attack the beast by going for the throat. By this, I mean that as you receive unsolicited mail, you should use the phone number provided on the mailing or look it up online and then call them to demand that they remove you from their list. You can also use a paid service like Optoutprescreen, 41Pounds, Catalog Choice, or Precycle to do the job for you.
- And never, ever return a product warranty card unless it is absolutely required. Warranty cards are used to add your name to dozens of lists and provides to you very little value (if any at all!). Just keep them for your records with the warranty information in case you need it.
Here’s to a junk mail-free life!
- Lucy
Dogs who donate blood
One of the most memorable volunteering experiences I have is the time I spent working with the American Red Cross. Over the past decade, the American Red Cross has received a lot of negative press (remember the 9/11 fiasco?) yet, given all their mishaps, they are still one of the premier emergency relief organizations in the world.
The American Red Cross:
- collects blood and organ tissues
- provides emergency assistance to families who lose their homes via unexpected crises (fires, floods, earthquake)
- provides CPR and First Aid training to anyone who wants it (Mama received her CPR and First Aid Instructor training from the American Red Cross)
- links members of the U.S. Armed Forces with their families during a crisis
- provides travel assistance for two immediate family members to attend a memorial or funeral service for a service member killed on active duty in the combat zone and to travel to the bedside of a service member wounded in the combat zone (roundtrip airfare, lodging costs, and food and incidentals)
How is the American Red Cross able to provide so many free services?
The Red Cross is not a government agency; it relies on donations of time, money, and blood to do its work. When you donate blood to and American Red Cross, they divide it into different compartments (red blood cells, plasma, platelets, cryoprecipitate) and sell it blood to hospitals. The money they receive from the sales of blood is used to fund their emergency relief efforts. Currently only 3 out of every 100 people in America donate blood. An average of 92 cents of every dollar the Red Cross spends is invested in humanitarian services and programs.
If dogs can give blood, so can we.
- Mama
