She Said What? Holiday Coping Ideas for Stressful Relatives
I don’t know about you, but I’ve got some pretty ungreen relatives and it can be a serious tax on my mental nerves trying to have conversations with them about eco-issues that are important to me. First, there’s the oil millionaire, Uncle Jack, who tries to argue with me about the necessity of the petroleum industry. He regularly accuses me of being duplicitous in my values since I drive a car. Needless to say, we don’t agree on energy issues.
Then there’s Uncle Harold and Cousin Marvin. They’ve been in the dairy farm business for decades and can’t understand why I’m a vegetarian. And I actually think they’re personally offended by my lifestyle choice, taking it as an attack on their livelihood. Oh dear.
And who can forget my climate-change-denying father, who, bless his heart, is convinced the whole thing in a huge conspiracy by Al Gore and the scientists behind the numbers. Arguing with him is a losing battle, for sure.
Dealing with relatives around the holidays can be a difficult challenge. Especially if you’re trying uphold your green values while maintaining your sanity. And sometimes you want to do more than that—you want to help others understand the very reasonable choices you’ve made and perhaps help them live greener lives as well. Is that even possible?
When I stumbled across the Sierra Club’s Holiday Survival Guide, I knew it was for me. Filled with ideas for how to politely converse with difficult relatives about hot-button environmental topics, this guides is a must-read for anyone hoping to get through the holiday season with the eco-dignity intact. They’ve even got Holiday Survival Support Group where you can laugh and cry with others like you, share tips and coping strategies, and get ideas for meal making, too.
- Lucy
5 Things You Can Change Right Now, No Weight Loss Required
There are things I refuse to show you, my mirror told me. You’ve got enough to worry about already. – Brian Andreas
“Catch you on the flip side.” One of my more hip friends said to me the other day.
As the year winds down, we tend to take this time to count our wins and losses and to take a look inside ourselves, and as the New Year gets closer, more than ever we think about change.
What would you change? What is the mirror refusing to show you?
- Drop the inner critic. Enough about our thighs and jiggly arms, everyone should know by now that models are airbrushed into perfection. Love is not determined by perfection, that’s only in the land of Silicon and Honey.
- Have an attitude of gratitude. Everyone who is above ground has something to be grateful for. I have a challenge coming up on this topic so stay tuned!
- Know that what other people think about you is none of your business. Terry Cole Whittaker said that back in the 70’s. It still applies. What YOU think is way more important.
- Speak with intention. Don’t beat around the bush. When you want to say no, say no. If you would like to say yes, say yes. If you want to say I love you. Say I love you. Life is short.
- Listen. Men are notorious for getting this one wrong, but I have a couple of male friends who get it right. When I speak with intention (see above) and say that I need them to really listen, one friend in particular, leans back, crosses his legs and says, “I’m all ears,” and he is. He is so very present at those moments and it feels like heaven to be listened to.
-Aunt B
Lose a pound, donate a pound: Helping others who need food
Weight Watchers is making a difference for people who are overweight as well as those who are underfed.
Dealing with holiday stress and the holiday blues
Dealing with Toxic Holiday Waste: Recycling E-Cast-Offs
We really scaled back on the number of gifts we gave this year in order to adjust to a smaller budget, but it was a very nice season and we enjoyed ourselves nonetheless.
That said, we’re still left with some items that need recycling now that the holiday is over. For instance, my husband received a new cell phone as a gift, and so we’re left with his old one. We weren’t exactly sure what to do with it until I did a little digging. Here’s what I found:
Donate your old phone to a charity or phone reuse campaign: Our old phone happens to still function fairly well (why did we need a new one you ask? Beats me), so a donation program is likely the way we will go. These programs allow you to give your old device away so that it can be used by someone else. In many cases, these old phones go to communities where it would otherwise be impossible to afford a new device. And when they connect communities, family members, or business women, it’s even better since a phone can truly be a lifeline. Here are some options:
- AT&T Reuse and Recycling program for used phones and PDAs
- CollectiveGood Mobile Phone Recycling programs in Staples stores
- Recycling for Charities
- Sprint Buyback and Project Connect programs
- Verizon Wireless HopeLine recycling and phone donation programs
Recycle your old phone: Of course, if you’ve dropped your phone in the toilet or run over it with the car, then you likely won’t be able to donate it to anyone. But there are still great programs to ensure these devices land in good hands. After all, like most electronics, cell phones can contain heavy metals and other nasty chemicals that would poison our planet if thrown into the landfill. So check out Earth911 to find an e-waste recycler in your area to be sure they’re handled properly. Many big box stores now offer recycling bins for PDAs, chargers, cell phones, and more right in their stores.
- Lucy
Single-again Samantha: Old Flames
I suppose there comes a point in every divorcee’s life when that little old black book resurfaces and memory is cast back to one’s old flames – whatever did become of them? Of course, as every self-respecting single gal knows, there’s always Facebook and Google, and you can find anyone (worth knowing) if you put your mind to it.
In my case, I got a call one workday morning about six months ago, when I was hurriedly prepping myself and little one for the day ahead, from a boy (a man now) I’d dated when I was 17. I clearly felt something for the guy at the time as I’ve kept all his blue-enveloped love letters as well as a rather grubby ponytail of hair and a few disintegrated rose petals – the remnants of a childish lust some 20 years ago. Turns out, he’s divorced now too and, even better (I think) also has a kid. Only catch… he lives on the other side of the globe.
Have I become cynical in my (not so) old age or is there something just a tad irresponsible about downing tools, upping everything and falling in love with a rekindled dream? As a single parent with a job to hold down and a mortgage to pay one simply cannot indulge in too much caution-to-the-wind throwing. But I can still fantasize about what could have been, can’t I?
We Skyped this evening, my old flame and I, as we do on occasion. Despite the geographical implausibility of it all, we are still able to share a joke and even the odd dirty weekend once in a blue moon. Funny how the only relationship that seems to work for me right now is with a man who lives on another continent and puts no strain on my already pressure-cooked life. While a part of me feels strongly that some things are better left in the past, there’s something oddly satisfying about this no-strings affair – if only because it keeps a girlish fantasy alive.
- Single-again Samantha
I can (Not) do it all
I didn’t pack my kid’s lunch for a week. And the mommy guiltiness, you know those annoying little feelings that hang around your ankles and neck wouldn’t stop nagging me.
Never mind I kicked tail during my 50 + hour work week, made it to her parent teacher conference on time, got her to soccer practice, soccer games, cheered wildly and managed to get some holiday shopping done. Homework? Check. Dinner on the table? Check.
I’ve packed her lunch every day since she began school, because I think cafeteria food is mostly processed junk. This week, I let it go and let her eat processed junk.
Single parents expect a lot from themselves, to be both mother and father, while bringing home the bacon and making sure the pan is clean too.
What I struggle with is asking for help. For me, asking for help is like asking for bamboo shoots under my fingernails. Uhm. No thank you. The torture from my ex is enough for me. Really.
So when I needed furniture put together, a neighbor insisted on helping me. I declined.
“No, it’s okay, I’d rather pay someone to do it and just get it done.”
“Awww don’t do that, I can help you with it.” He sounded convincing, I cancelled the person I’d hired to do it. My furniture sat around in boxes for three weeks. The neighbor finally shows, puts together one piece and says, “You could have done this yourself. It’s not that hard.” He leaves.
I called the person I hired. While they put the remainder of my things together, I did three loads of laundry and cooked a meal that included lunch for my daughter for the upcoming week.
‘Nuff said.
- Aunt B
Everyday Is A New Day: my struggle to stay thin
Every Tuesday, Mama shares a personal story. This story was sent to us by Haley.
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“Everyday is a new day,” I would say to myself and pretend tomorrow would be better. Tomorrow will be different. Well yeah, it’s not Monday anymore, but the same struggles and bad feelings are still there. They don’t just creep off in my sleep, but they sometimes show up in my dreams.
I suffer from bulimia. Like many people who suffer, I chose to keep it to myself. I guess that is part of the disease, to be sneaky and mysterious, but for me that is the worst thing.
I have always been open about my problems and I’ve always been able to talk to people about things most people would be embarrassed to talk about. But, I enjoy embarrassing moments, I live for them! It’s part of my quirky personality. Although, I don’t feel very honest when I describe myself anymore.
My bulimia has gotten really bad and I feel like I am mean and rudely sarcastic. I feel under pressure with the smallest tasks. I find sorry excuses to flake on people and class. All I have in life right now is school, and I can’t even dedicate myself to school. It use to make me happy, courageous, motivated and creative, but now I dread getting ready and seeing people.
I hate to leave the house, but I hate to be home alone. On times when no one is around and I have that little thought about food, I freak. I try so hard to think of something else because I can not be alone. I used to be able to be alone, actually.
Now, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish I could give up and turn myself in, tell someone, or go get help, but I am not as courageous. I feel like I am dying a slow death. That isn’t very courageous, now is it?
- Haley
