On love and fear

“I want to get back with my ex.”

“The one that used to make you cry? The one that talked down to you and you said made you feel stupid?”

“I know how it sounds,” she squeezed her hands together in her lap, “but yes, him.”

“He says he loves me and he’s ready to begin something with me that is real.”

“Has he addressed his issues? Have you set down boundaries in regards to how he talks to you?”

There is silence. I’m pretty comfortable with silence. So I let my friend simmer for a minute. Not that I’m being judgmental because to be frank, I’ve been in the same boat and can’t say that it won’t happen again, but I hope not.

“I slept with him again and he said such sweet things.” She blurts this out as if the physical act means he’s changed how he relates to her or her to him.

“Tell me what your gut says.” I say this while I motioned for her to put her hand on her stomach, “Speak from right there.”

“It says I’m scared, I want to love him, but I’m scared too.”

Can I just tell you that she’s a regular woman like you and me. She goes to work because no one is paying her bills but her. She rocks her creative side. When she’s not with him she glitters. When he is around she dims her light and lets him take all the shine.

“You know, love and fear can’t live in the same place. If you’re scared of him, if you’re scared he will yell at you or call you stupid like he used to, I just have to wonder how you can love him too?”

Love healthy.

- Aunt B