Comments on: Insurance: Domestic Violence, A pre-existing condition?

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:34:23 +0000

I was in a violent relationship from a young age. I finally left him a few months after my 20th birthday, after he tried killing me while I was holding our baby. He got 6 months in prison, but only served 3.

I am lucky enough to live in the UK, where we have free medical care, but my heart goes out to all the women and men (domestic violence is an issue for men too, please don’t forget this) whos insurers refuse to pay for their treatment. These people suffer enough, and the likelihood is they will return to the abusive relationship many times after treatment (I know I did) and the cost of their medical treatment will only enrage their partner further and lead to more abuse.

I hope that there is the possibility of changing the law in these states. Victims of domestic violence often lie about how they got their injuries, because they are embarressed and scared. If they feel as though they have to lie so the insurance will pay for it, they won’t get the help they need to get out of the relationship.

The insurance providers who refuse cover for victims of domestic abuse, and the heads of the states that allow this disgusting act to continue undoubtedly already have the blood of many men, women and children on their hands. I personally hope they all rot in Hell.

By: Vidyut

Vidyut — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:06:16 +0000

If domestic violence is a pre-existing condition, prove it.

I say I was not a victim of domestic violence before this happened, so it didn’t exist when I paid for coverage.

This is a stupid law. By these standards, a speeding ticket could prove a ‘pre-existing condition of rash driving’, so of course, such people dying in accidents couldn’t be covered.

Aren’t possible mishaps what insurance is about?

Why in the world would I buy travel insurance if it would invalidate at the “pre-existing condition” of travelling to some place where pickpockets exist or an airlines that has had a crash in its history?

How is this different from health insurance invalidating at domestic abuse?

By: Melaine

Melaine — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 08:52:16 +0000

reading these stories made me think of my current bf and my question of, will things ever change. we became friends in late 06 and finally became official in mid 08. I loved the fact that we were friends first. he is honestly my first real relationship and I am 28 years old. about a month into our “official” relationship he put his hands on me. I have to honestly say the first time I was shocked, but each time after I fought back, he always got the better of me but I always fought back. it was the sixth time that we fought that I ended up in the hospital bc I thought my shoulder was dislocated and I had split my wrist from punching a glass door in anger. when I went down to the hospital they asked “who did this to me” but I cried and told them I couldn’t tell them and begged my family member not to give his name. i’ve often thought of this incidence while applying for jobs and they do medical background checks, I feel like if I wouldve gave them details then it wouldve went against me in the future. bc of the way laws change im glad I didn’t report it but at the same time, im still in it…we broke up for about 3 days before I went back to him and about 3 weeks later he ended up in jail(not for dv) and has been for a year. while I go visit him, he always mentioned that he would smack me for something or always “threatens” me in type of way. I tried to tell him that he makes me uneasy by saying those things but I honestly don’t think he care. I guess im just at wit ends that I need to walk away now bc I don’t know if it’ll happen again. but its hard bc our friendship. being in a abusive relationship is a confusing experience, I really don’t know what to do.

By: Em

Em — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:19:59 +0000

I coincidentally came across this page when i was looking for symptoms of iron deficiency. I am also a victim of abuse. My partner has a temper problem and is violent. He has extreme mood swings n many times i don’t understand why he got that angry. I have been pregnant twice and on both occasions, he had assaulted me. And when i lost my babies, i had to put up with the verbal abuse as well. The beating never stops.. its just a matter of time. And many times i was at the mercy of his hands. I was in n out of the hospital, with countless bruises and some fractures. I have broken off the relationship 6 months ago, in the meantime i feel so messed up and m trying to recover. I got ill from the stress and anxiety. It doesn’t help when we have a business that i’m currently completing before i can leave. Sometimes i don’t know if I’m sane.. i feel so much pain n anger in me. But it helps when i read that I’m not the only one.

By: Mari

Mari — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 03:34:05 +0000

I too am a survivor of domestic violence. I think it is a disgrace for insurance companies to use this as another scapegoat for not paying on treatment that victims of domestic violence need. What has our society come to? Honestly, it is ridiculous. Think about all the abused children/adults that will be refused service and made to feel as if they are to blame. This is not the OUR fault. WE should NOT be punished for something WE had no control over.

By: brandy

brandy — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:39:15 +0000

I am studing to become a paralegal and I have to write a two-page paper on a man who is an alcoholic and abuses his wife. I have to pretent that I am the police and go to the house. When I supposly arrive the wife is badly bruised and bleeding, cowering in a corner. The husband is drunk, and I supposovely ask the wife if her husband has been beating her, she shakes her head. Bascially I have to analyze the situation. I came across this website by acident and ready all the story;s it has actually help me to understand my assignment a little better. But, I feel so bad for allof you who have gone threw this.

By: mary

mary — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:38:29 +0000

First, get yourself and your child to a place of safety. Then, find out what the laws are in Mississippi about leaving the state with a minor child. Do not return home under any circumstances. This man can kill you and your child in a fit of rage. A protective order can be gotten from the court; but, I must warn you, this won’t stop hom if he is determined to find you. If there is a battered women’s shelter in Mississippi, go there. It is a place of shelter where he cannot find you. They can help guide you toward what you must do…I know, I have been there.

By: Marie

Marie — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:58:48 +0000

I live in Ms.My husband is a alcoholic and were merried.The alcohol drives him to beating me and breaking everything in the house and picking up glass and throwing it at me we have a kid together she’s young can I legally leave the state with my child sience I’m under domistic violence? Please somebody awnser

By: Gina

Gina — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 05:57:03 +0000

Tracey,
You, like many of the other women who have posted here, are amazing. You have been through so much and are a survivor, for sure. I hope that someday you will find at least a couple of friends you can really trust.

By: AbusedNoLonger

AbusedNoLonger — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:30:09 +0000

I was abused for 22 years while married to a physically,verbal and mentally abusive man.We have been divorced for years now,and he still abuses me at a distance by using my adult children,grandchildren and family situations. Abuse sometimes never stops and they enjoy every moment of it. Having said this,I feel that its not my fault that someone can and will abuse another person and the insurance company that will not insure an abused person is just way out of line on this. How dare them to say that its a preexiting conditions. What will they come up with next? I am stunned.

By: Patricia Kiraly

Patricia Kiraly — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 15:20:47 +0000

I have spent a large part of my life being abused by men. I know the humiliation and guilt that accompanies the abuse. I know the difficulty in “getting out”. I know how it feels and the recovery is nearly impossible to get through. I am a very strong woman and have made it to the age of 52 after getting through 4 abusive relationships, one of which was my father who sexually abused me for many years. I have spent many years in counseling and on medication and am now free from it all. This is very rare for a victim and I wish I knew how I did it so that I could free every victim from their own abuse. I am now in a healthy emotional relationship. That is not the case for most victims who will spend the rest of their lives afraid and choosing the wrong spouse. We need to find a way to empower each person and denying a victim insurance is just about the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. Please, STAND UP AND FIGHT!

By: Angela Kortz Funke

Angela Kortz Funke — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:51:52 +0000

Oct. 10 Cynthia wrote the following: My prediction, the domestic homicide rate will increase, suicide by victims will increase, and child abuse will increase if this trend continue. Lets use our heads here. Look at the research, we know, the likelihood of homicide for a battered women increases when she leaves her abuser, we know the likelihood of her return to her abuser can be correlated to many different, changeable things, all of which require counseling, sometimes medication, or hospitalization simply for the emotional damage, and now we’re talking about revoking abused peoples access to insurance, the one thing almost necessary to successful relief from a vicious cycle of abuse. Cynthia, YOU ARE SO RIGHT. These were my predictions in 1991 and since that time we have seen an explosion in child and spouse abuse. In the later part of 1985 and through today, the court system still treats victims as poor white trash even if they are rich, and seeking protection of their children or themselves from abuse. I am an attorney who was relatively successful in help “some” victims. Victims are not respected by courts, nor the community and to have the insurance industry then kick them further into the gutter is really outrageous. But what amazes my is how strong some of them rise above it all, people like you Cynthia you are a gem. When many are so discouraged you are still fighting the battle.

By: Andy

Andy — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:13:49 +0000

If the only opposition is based on the notion that the victims of domestic violence are not at fault and therefore shouldn’t be penalized, I have to wonder whether you consider cancer victims to be at fault. What about the victims of the many other diseases and pre-existing conditions that insurance companies use to deny coverage? I’m sure most of them aren’t caused by any fault of the people involved. Statistics are clear that incidents of domestic violence are very rarely one-off, so people who choose to remain in a relationship after the first occurence are effectively choosing to remain vunerable. If Ellen Snortland feels so strongly, she should start her own insurance company and do things ‘right’. I think we all know why she won’t.

By: Sam

Sam — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:33:47 +0000

Interesting that you say that “A man or a woman (women hit each other too) can beat another woman”, while ignoring the fact that Men can also be the victim of domestic abuse.

By: Mama

Mama — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 21:44:25 +0000

Domestic violence is definitely not a pre-existing condition. I wrote this blog post to raise awareness, not to make women afraid to report abuse.

- Mama