06/25/2009

And What If They Are Cheating Pt. 2

The phone call confirmed something I didn’t want to know. He was having an affair.

Do you remember the movie “The Sixth Sense?” One of the final scenes is in flashback, and the director shows a series of moments, which should have been clues in guessing the outcome. When I saw this movie, the whole theatre had an audible ‘a-ha’ moment. After I sat the phone down, I watched the moments play back in my mind and felt a series of overwhelming emotions. I thought, how could I’ve been so naïve?

I felt jealous, betrayed, shamed, angry and so much more. I called him in a rage.

Wrong.

Even though it is healthy to have and express those emotions, don’t confront your partner in that state. You have the element of surprise on your side. Get angry somewhere else, vent with a trusted friend. You need to take a moment to reflect on what you want. For the best possible outcome you have to play your hand wisely. I can’t say this enough, know what you want. Do you want to continue? Are you ready to walk away? Do you have somewhere to go? Can you survive financially?

In a calm matter present your evidence.

Allow you spouse/partner to speak without interruption.

Don’t allow them to make you explain their behavior, often referred to as the Jedi Mind Trick.

If there is any abuse or violence you need to leave. Have a place to go.

Be prepared to hear about your faults in the marriage or relationship that might’ve caused the affair.

Remember that you can’t take back words. Choose them carefully.

Don’t look at this as a confrontation. This is an intervention.

This is not the end of the world.

- Aunt B