06/24/2009
And What If They Are Cheating?
“Is this Aunt B?”
“Yes, “ I say, stirring a batch of cookies.
“Do you drive a red Mustang?”
“Yes,” I say again, the mixing has slowed. I’m standing at attention.
“Can you tell your husband to stop sleeping with my wife?”
I drop the utensils, mutter something into the phone I can’t remember, what I do remember is that a storm gathered and rain fell from my eyes while thunder and lightening lept from my mouth and throat.
Betrayal is hard to overcome. Trust is difficult to rebuild. Those things we know. Marriages and relationships can survive this, and when they do, they often come out stronger. This is where you go deep. You have to know what you want in order to get through and how you get through is sometimes one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
Before I confronted my spouse I had to know what I was prepared to do. Was I prepared to leave? Was my financial house in order? After the confrontation did I have a place to go? A safe space in case things went south?
I’d like to say I was calm, I wasn’t.
There are certain ground rules when it comes to confronting a cheating spouse. I’ll talk about them in the next post.
Let’s just start here.
Have your proof.
Think through the possibilities, have a plan.
Know what you want, ask yourself if you are ready to walk away.
If you think your partner is cheating curtail sex. You don’t know if they are playing safe and you don’t want an STD.
- Aunt B
Lose that zero and get your self a HERO!!! He’s probably infected with Herpes Simplex Virus-1 or the AIDS!!! You never know…next time you make love you should check that boy out!!!
BEST of Luck Aunt B.
~Sandy V. Gina
my grandmother taught me not to belive anything i hear and only half of what you see. marriage is bast on trust, so if you face your spouse and they are not guilty you can damage that most important trust.maybe the other person is very upset and your spouse just happened to be the one they can trust to unload on.sex may be the last thing on thier mind. this very thing happend to me. so make sure the one calling knows what they are talking about, befor you do anything. you can put off sex for a few days by saying honey i’m just not up to it right now and that won’t be a lie.hope this helps aunt bea from miss bea.
Why is it when I read about a cheating spouse its always directed at a man. A woman can cheat too. I have friends whose wives have been unfaithful, but thats not the same as a man cheating. Bull****. A woman that cheats is as big “zero” as any man.
E. Bradshaw, it’s the same when anyone cheats. Just like B. Phelps said, it breaks the trust. That’s hard to recover from, whether it’s a man or woman that does it. It just plain hurts.
i am currently deployed in iraq and theings were going smooth during the first 4 months of my deployment when things started changing. she doesnt reply as much to my emails anymore and shen she does, she claims that she’s hanging out with our neighbors wives till wee hour of the night. we have 2 wonderful kids and i love them to death. about a few weeks ago she asked to have a divorce. she said that she is no longer happy and that she is gonna go home to her parents home and i can just pick up all my clothes when i get back. is this how you treat a person that sacrificed his time and effort to make sure that you are safe whan you go to bed at night? she wants to take my children and is not very clear on the visitation and my time for them. it has devastated me deeply and now that i only have few more weeks left before i return home she wants to get back with me and tells me that she loves me. i am so ready to move on but i think about our kids and how i cant live without them.
this goes to E Bradshaw,why cheating spouses are always directed at men is because they cheat the most and have little or no control over it but 95% women hardly ever think of hurting her spouse.i am in a relationship and am a woman i know that no matter what i would never think of hurting him but it isnt up to a month we visited our parents and lost visaul touch he is already cheating.my prove:i called him on my mobile and he couldnt talk in english rather he tried speaking a dialet only both of us understands so the other person wont know he is talkin to me and his voice sounded indifferent like he was talkin to a stranger i dont know if i should trust him anymore
Of course women cheat too. Who do you think the men are cheating with?
It takes alot of trust and when one cheats it can’t always be worked out in a relationship sense but; that doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends. I was having marital problems and ended up cheating on my husband.We tried to make it work and just couldn’t but to this day we are best friends.It has been almost 2 years.He has forgiven me and we love each other we just can’t be together.If anyone has children I hope for there sake that you can be friends.
RE: soldier of misfortune
First of all I know its off topic but I don’t agree with going to war just so we can subsidize oil prices and piss off more people in Iraq by getting all these so called terrorist which include small children(like I said its my own personal opinion disregard it in relation to this topic). Anyhow it seems to me when people are gone for long periods of time its one of two things when the relationship isn’t the same once that person had time to think maybe it wasn’t really all you thought it was cracked out to be to begin with when they realize they don’t want to do it anymore. Two in your situation which it could be multiple things like your wife got insecure at the thought of losing you or being alone during that period of time so she sought comfort else where and now your finally coming back for certain she feels better and more secure about the relationship and wants to continue.Honestly though only you know how things were between the two of you befor you left and if you really feel like the relationships done and she was cheating on you after you talk to her and you choose to stay with her knowing she did just for the children I recommend unless you can forgive her and move on don’t do it because you won’t be happy and your children will see the fighting ad disfunctional relationship and conceive that as a normal way of life.
Well I wish you the best of luck on resolving this issue take care!