The Weight of Words

“C’mere Chubby Checker!” It’s my father, his face contorted into an odd shape, as he laughs at his own joke.

“Here Piggy Piggy…” I’m in junior high school, someone took something belonging to me, they run with the object, stopping every so often to turn and wave it front of me.

Before I was 10 years old I was the “smart one,” the “clumsy one,” the “fat one.” Those labels were pinned onto me, put in awkward places that were hard for me to reach. So I wore them, albeit unwillingly, because deep down I knew I wasn’t all that smart, I just read a lot. I could move gracefully, but I liked getting places in a hurry and often tripped over my own feet. And yes I was fat, food was my drug of choice. It soothed me through my parents divorce, it was always there, faithful, non-judgmental, and it kept my mouth busy. I didn’t have to tell anyone how I felt as long as there was food in my mouth. So I swallowed and stayed silent. I let the labels stick and kept my feelings to my self.

Words are heavy things, not to be tossed around lightly. Words constrict and box in. What is true, are your feelings. Feeling is the language of the soul. Feelings are your grandest thoughts about yourself, your deepest hungers, your highest calling.

Do you toss words out in a moment of joking that you wish you could take back? Have you reached for food instead of telling someone how you really feel? I’ve done both. When I knew better, I did better. It’s not an easy path, but a healthy one. Take a moment to think before you speak, and then say what you feel with compassion. That’s the first step.

Now you know.

- Aunt B