The Sleepover Dilemma

“You what?”

That was the incredulous response when I okayed a sleepover with Tween-let and her best friend.

“He’s a boy!” My friend said.

He was a boy, a geeky, skinny, freckle faced eleven-year-old who was going to spend the night.

“Yes,” I answered, “and she’s a girl what’s your point?”

“Aren’t you worried? I mean, I wish my parents would have let my girlfriend spend the night,” my friend remarked.

“Well let’s start with she’s not his girlfriend,” I replied.

I’ve always encouraged my daughter to have friends of the opposite sex, to choose her friends based on what they have in common and that they treat her respectfully, as she should treat them. I’ve never sexualized any of her friendships. Should I be thinking that way now as she heads towards adolescence?

Ever since the promise of April showers for May flowers, my Tween-let’s thoughts have turned to love. She feels comfortable enough to talk to me about her crushes and to her best guy friend too. I eavesdrop on their conversations and I hear them both confess their crushes, and then swear each other to secrecy. I find their trust in each other sweet.

The sleepover happened, and it wasn’t the first. Should it be the last? They watched a movie, the Tween-let asked questions the whole way through and her friend patiently answered each one. We all played “Life” together. Then the pair of them sat near each other, the Tween-let with a Harry Potter book and her friend with a book about dragons, munching from a bowl of popcorn I sat between them.

“You know I like J—,” the Tween-let mentioned casually.

“Yeah, he’s been staring at you since last year,” her little dude answered.

“He always picks me first for soccer,” she told him.

“That’s a sign.” He looked at her over the top of the book and they both smiled.

Would you let pre-teens of the opposite sex have sleepovers? Am I asking for trouble?

- Aunt B