Comments on: Tell me your secret and I’ll tell you mine http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/ Sun, 05 Feb 2012 23:00:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: feeling confused http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-59647 feeling confused Mon, 11 Oct 2010 20:31:22 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-59647 most days i am not really in the mood for u know what...most days i come up with the usual excuses, kids, headaches and whatnot. the other night my husband makes his move and for once i am actualy willing, he leans over to kiss me and whow...his breath could wake the dead! instantly i am out of the mood but could not tell him the truth. Why is is so easy to tell a fib but not the truth! poor us. : ) most days i am not really in the mood for u know what…most days i come up with the usual excuses, kids, headaches and whatnot. the other night my husband makes his move and for once i am actualy willing, he leans over to kiss me and whow…his breath could wake the dead! instantly i am out of the mood but could not tell him the truth. Why is is so easy to tell a fib but not the truth! poor us. : )

]]> By: Katie http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-56168 Katie Fri, 03 Sep 2010 03:48:35 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-56168 I used to have these reacurring nightmares stemming from the current situation that was causing my life a great deal of stress. I found an excercise that helped me to not be fearful of the dreams and how to make a pleasent ending come to pass. It's been a couple of months since I havne't been afraid, but now I miss and WELCOME the dreams. The are just always so realistic. they Take me back to when I was certainly troubled, but found solace in my friends and they are always in the dreams, too. Now I look forward to sleep because through my nightmares I am able to see those who I am not so much in contact with now, but stood by me at the time. Kind of a pain that brings me release. I used to have these reacurring nightmares stemming from the current situation that was causing my life a great deal of stress. I found an excercise that helped me to not be fearful of the dreams and how to make a pleasent ending come to pass. It’s been a couple of months since I havne’t been afraid, but now I miss and WELCOME the dreams. The are just always so realistic. they Take me back to when I was certainly troubled, but found solace in my friends and they are always in the dreams, too.
Now I look forward to sleep because through my nightmares I am able to see those who I am not so much in contact with now, but stood by me at the time.

Kind of a pain that brings me release.

]]> By: Treya http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-38677 Treya Wed, 14 Apr 2010 21:53:49 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-38677 I was molested by my grandfather who is a pastor from the time I was four. At least that's my earliest memory. Also, by my uncle from the age 7. I've never told anyone until now. I was molested by my grandfather who is a pastor from the time I was four. At least that’s my earliest memory. Also, by my uncle from the age 7. I’ve never told anyone until now.

]]> By: katie http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-38628 katie Wed, 14 Apr 2010 17:34:20 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-38628 this saturday i will be the only one in my group of friends (that are all girls) that has never kissed a boy.......i really want to but no boy will kiss me because of the way i look or maybe it because i havnt got a note from a teacher yet but im hoping that my friends boyfriends friend will kiss me if not then i will cry myself to sleep this saturday i will be the only one in my group of friends (that are all girls) that has never kissed a boy…….i really want to but no boy will kiss me because of the way i look or maybe it because i havnt got a note from a teacher yet but im hoping that my friends boyfriends friend will kiss me if not then i will cry myself to sleep

]]> By: HiL http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-24275 HiL Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:54:46 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-24275 You are not now or ever going to be a horrible person for telling other people, because you never told them with intent to be vindictive towards your boyfriend. When things are too overwhelming and difficult to process and understand we as human beings usually need to talk to someone else about it. He told you his burden, because he trusts you, but in so doing he did not realise just how much it might affect you which is why you had to share it with others. It is in order that you may also be able to function as normal and not get dragged down by his revelation. Do I think you should tell him that you told others? I don't think that is very relevant at this moment in time. The first and most important thing that needs to happen is that you both need to talk about his revelation & see how you can help each other through it. After you have reached a level playing field where you are both at an understanding of one another's feelings about this then you can tell him that you found it very hard to deal with what he told you which is why you felt you had to tell someone else.......Think about this for a second what use is there in both of you breaking down and clamming up, what use would you be to each other? What I am saying is if you hadn't told a soul & kept it to yourself you might have driven yourself quite mad & if you were not coping well then who was going to be there for him, because if you are not in a good state then you are in no position to help or even try and help, because you need just as much help as he does. You asked why it is you feel guilty, I cannot give you a definite answer to that; however I can tell you that sometimes the more people we share certain things with which are really hard to handle the slightly better we feel. It is not that we are spreading gossip or like I said before being vindictive, but rather it is a coping mechanism which may or may not help. This might be the reason you feel guilty simply, because you have shared what he told you in what I suppose you would say was in confidence with other people. You did not by any means betreay him & you were not being selfish either by telling them in order to help yourself. You shouldn't feel guilty, because you have done nothing wrong. You are not now or ever going to be a horrible person for telling other people, because you never told them with intent to be vindictive towards your boyfriend. When things are too overwhelming and difficult to process and understand we as human beings usually need to talk to someone else about it. He told you his burden, because he trusts you, but in so doing he did not realise just how much it might affect you which is why you had to share it with others. It is in order that you may also be able to function as normal and not get dragged down by his revelation.

Do I think you should tell him that you told others? I don’t think that is very relevant at this moment in time. The first and most important thing that needs to happen is that you both need to talk about his revelation & see how you can help each other through it. After you have reached a level playing field where you are both at an understanding of one another’s feelings about this then you can tell him that you found it very hard to deal with what he told you which is why you felt you had to tell someone else…….Think about this for a second what use is there in both of you breaking down and clamming up, what use would you be to each other? What I am saying is if you hadn’t told a soul & kept it to yourself you might have driven yourself quite mad & if you were not coping well then who was going to be there for him, because if you are not in a good state then you are in no position to help or even try and help, because you need just as much help as he does.

You asked why it is you feel guilty, I cannot give you a definite answer to that; however I can tell you that sometimes the more people we share certain things with which are really hard to handle the slightly better we feel. It is not that we are spreading gossip or like I said before being vindictive, but rather it is a coping mechanism which may or may not help. This might be the reason you feel guilty simply, because you have shared what he told you in what I suppose you would say was in confidence with other people. You did not by any means betreay him & you were not being selfish either by telling them in order to help yourself. You shouldn’t feel guilty, because you have done nothing wrong.

]]> By: Cara http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-24026 Cara Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:32:51 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-24026 My boyfriend of 8 years was molested as a child. When he told me this I was in shock and told no one except my mother. Then I told my sister because of an incident that occurred with her daughter in her household. I never worried about them saying anything because I knew they wouldn't. I told my grandmother before she passed away and I told my "Aunt" who is something like a prophet to the family. I didn't tell them all at one time. I didn't tell them to hurt him or because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I told them because I didn't know how to process the information and I hoped someone could help me figure things out. My boyfriend spilled the beans but clammed up when I started asking questions so I dropped it. Since then a woman that I work with confessed to me that her marriage is falling apart. She told me that her husband was cheating on her and that she started seeking a relationship outside of the marriage as well. She then told me that her husband was molested by two men at different times in his life when he was growing up. I told her as well. The funny thing is I feel guilty! I feel guilty because I told HIS secret! And in some way I feel like I've betrayed him.I wish I could tell him who I've told and why but I feel like it would cause more harm than good. I think he would feel like he couldn't trust me and he can. He told me such a dark secret and because the details were too painful he couldn't elaborate much more after that. It left me curious and confused. I didn't know how to react or what to say. Do I need to tell him? Does saying anything to someone else make me a horrible person? Why do I feel guilty? My boyfriend of 8 years was molested as a child. When he told me this I was in shock and told no one except my mother. Then I told my sister because of an incident that occurred with her daughter in her household. I never worried about them saying anything because I knew they wouldn’t. I told my grandmother before she passed away and I told my “Aunt” who is something like a prophet to the family. I didn’t tell them all at one time. I didn’t tell them to hurt him or because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I told them because I didn’t know how to process the information and I hoped someone could help me figure things out. My boyfriend spilled the beans but clammed up when I started asking questions so I dropped it.

Since then a woman that I work with confessed to me that her marriage is falling apart. She told me that her husband was cheating on her and that she started seeking a relationship outside of the marriage as well. She then told me that her husband was molested by two men at different times in his life when he was growing up. I told her as well.

The funny thing is I feel guilty! I feel guilty because I told HIS secret! And in some way I feel like I’ve betrayed him.I wish I could tell him who I’ve told and why but I feel like it would cause more harm than good. I think he would feel like he couldn’t trust me and he can. He told me such a dark secret and because the details were too painful he couldn’t elaborate much more after that. It left me curious and confused. I didn’t know how to react or what to say.

Do I need to tell him? Does saying anything to someone else make me a horrible person? Why do I feel guilty?

]]> By: Kristen http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-23572 Kristen Thu, 31 Dec 2009 02:28:05 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-23572 I don't believe in marriage. I think it is a very insane idea. BUT I am too much of a coward to tell my boyfriend that I think marriage is a sham. I don’t believe in marriage. I think it is a very insane idea. BUT I am too much of a coward to tell my boyfriend that I think marriage is a sham.

]]> By: intense14 http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-23567 intense14 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 22:44:33 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-23567 DLS:? I haven't said "I love you" to ANYONE in more than 5 years... and i regret it everyday... DLS:? I haven’t said “I love you” to ANYONE in more than 5 years… and i regret it everyday…

]]> By: Christina http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-17444 Christina Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:28:10 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-17444 I am happy that we are in a recession. Hopefully people will take this time to reflect on what is really important: family, friends, and health. I hope this recession lasts for at least another year. I am happy that we are in a recession. Hopefully people will take this time to reflect on what is really important: family, friends, and health.

I hope this recession lasts for at least another year.

]]> By: Edna http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-3631 Edna Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:18:22 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-3631 I have been married with a man for over 22 years. In 2001 I had an affair with another married man, I fell hard for him. I loved him and the lovemaking was incredible. After a few months he went back to his wife and we stopped. In 2006, we hooked up again and this time he told me he loved me and even gave me a ring in Christmas time. He was seperated from his wife and our affair was incredible. I could not leave my husband, but I talked to this man alot and met him once a week for love sessions that were crazy. I did not know he was still trying to get back to his wife. Anyway, he went back to his wife, she found out and told EVERYONE! Including my husband, people at my work, everyone. Now my girls know too. My 21 year old daughter doesnt respect me anymore, but I have told her that her father was unattentive and the reason I was with this other man was becasuse I fell in love with him and I thought he loved me too. He is of course back with his wife, and treating her like a queen while my husband and daughters see me like a whore. I loved this man, he told me he loved me too. I am trying hard to make my marriage work, but I am so angry. I miss this other mans lovemaking and when my husband touches me I feel like crying because I can only think of this other man. Why did he lie to me? I have been married with a man for over 22 years. In 2001 I had an affair with another married man, I fell hard for him. I loved him and the lovemaking was incredible. After a few months he went back to his wife and we stopped. In 2006, we hooked up again and this time he told me he loved me and even gave me a ring in Christmas time. He was seperated from his wife and our affair was incredible. I could not leave my husband, but I talked to this man alot and met him once a week for love sessions that were crazy. I did not know he was still trying to get back to his wife. Anyway, he went back to his wife, she found out and told EVERYONE! Including my husband, people at my work, everyone. Now my girls know too. My 21 year old daughter doesnt respect me anymore, but I have told her that her father was unattentive and the reason I was with this other man was becasuse I fell in love with him and I thought he loved me too. He is of course back with his wife, and treating her like a queen while my husband and daughters see me like a whore. I loved this man, he told me he loved me too. I am trying hard to make my marriage work, but I am so angry. I miss this other mans lovemaking and when my husband touches me I feel like crying because I can only think of this other man. Why did he lie to me?

]]> By: Leigh http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-395 Leigh Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:05:17 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-395 I'd been feeling guilty about this for a long time before I finally confessed to a friend that, often when talking to a client, my boss, an older relative or whatever, I get the urge to kiss the person passionately, just to lunge in and push my tongue into their mouth. Fortunately I've managed to supress it so far. So I was very amused and relieved when he said he has the same fight with himself, only he gets the urge to wind up and spit in his boss' face. He has to have a stern word with himself about the consequences, the shame, how disappointed everyone would be. We thought it was just us but no! We happened to mention this to another friend and what do you know, when he's waiting at a pedestrian light he gets the urge to push people into oncoming traffic! And now there's you and your horn. God help us :-) I’d been feeling guilty about this for a long time before I finally confessed to a friend that, often when talking to a client, my boss, an older relative or whatever, I get the urge to kiss the person passionately, just to lunge in and push my tongue into their mouth. Fortunately I’ve managed to supress it so far.

So I was very amused and relieved when he said he has the same fight with himself, only he gets the urge to wind up and spit in his boss’ face. He has to have a stern word with himself about the consequences, the shame, how disappointed everyone would be.

We thought it was just us but no! We happened to mention this to another friend and what do you know, when he’s waiting at a pedestrian light he gets the urge to push people into oncoming traffic!

And now there’s you and your horn. God help us :-)

]]> By: lovely http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-34 lovely Tue, 19 May 2009 04:53:55 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-34 i must say, telling a secret, that's eating you up, about someone else is truly the ultimate in feeling great. my best friend of 10 years, still does not know that i told another friend about her bout with the police. she swore me to secrecy, but i could not resist the urge to tell our other friend. everytime i think about how i spilled the secret i smile to myself. if only she knew! i know you're probably saying "i'm really not her best friend! i must say, telling a secret, that’s eating you up, about someone else is truly the ultimate in feeling great. my best friend of 10 years, still does not know that i told another friend about her bout with the police. she swore me to secrecy, but i could not resist the urge to tell our other friend. everytime i think about how i spilled the secret i smile to myself. if only she knew! i know you’re probably saying “i’m really not her best friend!

]]> By: birdgirl http://blog.mamashealth.com/2009/05/14/tell-me-your-secret-and-ill-tell-you-mine/#comment-12 birdgirl Fri, 15 May 2009 18:59:30 +0000 http://blog.mamashealth.com/?p=115#comment-12 Today I found a humming bird laying right outside my office, it's dying, I felt soo sad for the little guy that I quickly picked him up, put him in my hands, tried to give it water, even went out of my way to build a little nest (out of dried leaves and a paper plate) and recruited the yummiest flower hoping that it could drink and happily fly away; I don't think I am succeeding, he's indeed fading but at least he won't die alone, he's now laying under my desk lamp for a lil’ heat and Ella Fitzgerald and I will be here with him until the end. My secret? Today I found out that someone I used to know, is also dying but I don't seem to care as much as I do for this little guy, in fact I don't care at all. Today I found a humming bird laying right outside my office, it’s dying, I felt soo sad for the little guy that I quickly picked him up, put him in my hands, tried to give it water, even went out of my way to build a little nest (out of dried leaves and a paper plate) and recruited the yummiest flower hoping that it could drink and happily fly away; I don’t think I am succeeding, he’s indeed fading but at least he won’t die alone, he’s now laying under my desk lamp for a lil’ heat and Ella Fitzgerald and I will be here with him until the end.
My secret? Today I found out that someone I used to know, is also dying but I don’t seem to care as much as I do for this little guy, in fact I don’t care at all.

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